“Brother, being called to pastoral ministry is the greatest privilege in this world. It’s a great honour to serve our king.” I can still remember these words from a dear friend and mentor on the day of my ordination into pastoral ministry. He was right. I have never regretted being a pastor. However, I have regretted some of the things I have done in ministry. My regrets have always driven me to my knees, asking the Lord to forgive me and grow me more in his likeness.
I’ve never regretted being a pastor. But I have regretted some of the things I’ve done.
In the first years of my ministry, I experienced a fire hose of opposition from the accuser of brethren, Satan, which led to serious conflict. I look back to that time with thankfulness for how the Lord supplied wisdom, strength and grace to navigate those perilous waters. But I also look back with regret because of how I handled some aspects of the conflict. Praise the Lord for his abounding grace! Our life and service aren’t defined by our mistakes but by his faithfulness (2 Timothy 2:13). Below are 10 of the larger mistakes I made in handling my first conflict in pastoral ministry.
1. Not Resting on the Pillow of Providence
Charles Spurgeon, in his sermon, Israel at the Red Sea, taken from Psalm 106:9, wonderfully observes: “Do you imagine that [God] would ever guide you into such a [trial] that he could not conduct you out again?” Spurgeon continues, “Christian, there is no sweeter pillow than providence! And when providence seems adverse, believe it still, lay it under your head, for depend upon it there is comfort in its bosom.”
My conflict wasn’t outside of the Lord’s control or will.
I have never once doubted the doctrine of God’s providence, which the Bible clearly teaches. My ministry conflict wasn’t outside of the Lord’s control or will. Yet living this truth when the conflict was raging fiercely was a different matter entirely. Often, I was tempted to act as if God had nothing to do with it. May the Lord forgive.
2. Not Praying More
Every pastor knows well that in ministry we are not fighting against flesh and blood but strong and powerful spiritual forces (Ephesians 6:12). Thus, our weapons aren’t physical but spiritual (2 Corinthians 10:4).
Our weapons aren’t physical but spiritual.
I regret not spending more time on my knees and talking to the Lord. I should have done much more of this than the time I spent talking with people who strongly disagreed with me. Now don’t get me wrong. It’s crucial to keep talking with both those who disagree with you and those who are seeking to offer godly counsel. But it is even more crucial to talk with the Lord in prayer.
3. Forgetting That It’s Christ’s Church—Not Mine
Christ’s promise calmed my restless soul.
As the conflict raged on, I was very anxious about the well-being of the church. I feared so much that the conflict would destroy our church. This drove me into panic mode. Thankfully, the Lord used the truth of Matthew 16:18 to comfort my overly troubled soul. The message Matthew 16:18 was very clear—and dear—to me. ‘Confex,’ it reminded me, ‘this is Christ’s church. He will build it himself, and the gates of hell will never prevail against it. While he has called you to serve this church, he doesn’t need you to build it.’ Trusting this promise of Christ was all I needed to calm my restless soul.
4. I Was Slow to Hear; Quick to Speak; and Angry
I listened in order to respond.
This is the opposite of what God instructs us to do in James 1:19. In my first ministry conflict, I listened in order to respond. I paid less attention to what was being said and more to how I felt. I often assumed that I knew where conversations were heading. However, if only I had listened more and paid more attention to what was being said, I believe I could have been spared from the sinful anger that worsened the conflict.
5. Assuming the Worst of My Opposers
I magnified their sin and minimised my own.
One true mark of Christian love is to believe all things (1 Corinthians 13:7). When Christians disagree, love calls us to assume the best of those who disagree with us, unless there is clear evidence of malicious motives. But that’s really difficult to do. Instead, I attributed motives and assumed the worst of those who disagreed with me. By doing so, I magnified their sin and minimised my own.
6. Not Searching My Own Heart Posture First
In relation to assuming the worst of those who fought against me (above), another mistake I made was not praying Psalm 139:23-24, “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
I didn’t prayerfully reflect on my own sinful contributions to the conflict.
In most conflicts, there is sin on both sides. But I didn’t take time to prayerfully reflect on my own sinful contributions to the conflict. This is very important because, as J. I. Packer once observed, “Our best works are shot through with sin and contain something for which we need forgiveness.”
7. The Fear of Man
I worried very much about my motives being impugned. I sweated about all the untruths I believed others were spreading about me. Upon reflection, my major concern was: what will people think of me? Such concerns are driven more by the fear of man and the desire for approval. And this, is always a snare (Proverbs 29:25).
I can’t control what others think of me.
But the Lord quickly helped me realise that while he calls me to live above reproach (1 Timothy 3:2), and at peace with all men (Romans 14:18), I can’t control what others think of me. Instead, I can entrust myself to God, who discerns all hearts and knows who we really are.
8. Thinking the Conflict Was Unique
At first, I thought no one else had experienced such a conflict in ministry before me. I beat myself harder as Satan tempted me to despair and accused me of being a bad pastor. ‘If only you were a good pastor,’ I could hear him say, ‘this wouldn’t have happened.’ However, the more I spoke with mentors and ministry friends, the more I realised the truth.
The more I spoke with mentors, the more I realised the truth.
“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it” (1 Corinthians 11:13). This was the balm that my soul needed; to realise that faithful and godly men before me had gone through similar hardships and the ever-faithful God had sustained them.
9. Lacking Patience
Paul exhorts us, “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer” (Romans 12:12). But I lacked patience in this ministry conflict. I was often in fighting mode instead. That was unwise and obviously worsened the conflict.
Most conflicts require us to fight less and wait more on the Lord.
David often faced adversity and enemies who sought to destroy him. But he put his trust in God and confidently declared, “I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living! Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD” (Psalm 27:13-14). Most of the conflicts we face as Christians require us to fight less and wait more on the Lord. As Martin Luther rightly noted in his famous hymn, Christ must win the battle.
10. Being Surprised When Friends Turned Against Me
These are friends that I prayed with; invited into our home; and who supported me in many ways. However, when the conflict broke out, some turned against me; their opposition was so strong it was as if we’d never known each other. This came as a big surprise. It stirred anger and bitterness within me.
My experience wasn’t out of this world and I shouldn’t have reacted sinfully to betrayal.
Looking back, I don’t think I should’ve been surprised. While Christ is a true friend who always sticks closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24), the arm of flesh can fail us. Even our Lord was betrayed by a close friend who dined with him. My experience was not out of this world, and I shouldn’t have reacted sinfully to the betrayal by giving in to anger and bitterness.
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