I recently read a story on Facebook. It happened in America, not South Africa. But as I read it I found myself thinking, “If this is true about us as well, then young women in our country really need to consider it carefully.”
The story goes like this: A married man works in an office filled with beautiful, hard-working young women. He has worked with them for five years, yet not a single one has married in that time. None have gone on maternity leave. Even their manager is worried. He explained that these women all earn about R65 000 per month. There are eight of them—all still single.
Sometimes brute honesty helps us to think clearly.
It reminded him of how his own marriage began. Years ago his wife worked a high-paying job (close to R95 000 per month) while he lived in a one-room apartment. She still chose him. She believed in building a life together, even when circumstances were simple.
Then he said something honest: “If my wife had been like these ladies, she probably wouldn’t have chosen me back then.” These words sound harsh. But sometimes brute honesty helps us to think clearly.
Two Different Directions
Then I made an observation. If eight South African men earned R65 000 per month, most of them would be married within two years. But eight women earning that amount would probably still be single.
Why this difference?
Let’s walk through it slowly.
(a) Men Have a Wider “Pool”
A man earning well often feels completely free to marry a woman who earns much less, or even a woman who isn’t working. His potential “pool” of partners is wide.
(b) Women Have a Narrower “Pool”
But many women who earn well feel pressure to date a man who earns more. In South Africa, this is often connected to culture and security, as well as the expectation of family and friends. And even when a woman does date a man who earns less, she might feel unsure or afraid of being judged. This narrows the pool to a very small group.
Simple Math in South Africa
According to Statistics South Africa (Quarterly Labour Force Survey & Higher Education Statistics):
- Over 60% of university graduates are women
- Men under 35 face higher unemployment than women
- A very small percentage of workers earn salaries above R50 000.
When we put these facts together, this American Facebook story suddenly starts to sound very South African.
Applying That Math to Christian Women
Before we think about what this means for Christian women specifically, it helps to pause and ask what these statistics mean for someone who desires a godly husband. Statistics alone cannot tell the whole story, through they can help us understand the reality many young women face.
How many South African men:
- Earn more than R65 000 per month
- Are godly and responsible
- Are single and stable
- Want marriage?
Statistically, very few.
The pool for Christian women who desire a godly husband is small.
This does not mean men are better. It simply means the pool is small, especially in a country where male unemployment is higher than female unemployment, and where more young women graduate from university than men.
Why Many Young Women Feel Stuck
In many cities—perhaps especially Johannesburg, Cape Town, and Durban—young professional women often say they cannot find suitable partners. Only, this isn’t because there are no good men. It’s rather because the number of men who match their expectations is very small. This can be painful.
The number of men who match their expectations is very small.
Many young women worked hard. They studied and became independent. They succeeded. Yet the success they hoped would bless their future is—strangely—making it harder to find a godly man to build a home with.
As Christians, how should we think about this?
A Biblical Approach to This Challenge
1. Look for Godly Character Before Worldly Status
Proverbs 31 does not describe income levels. It describes a woman who fears the Lord. In the same way, Psalm 112 describes a man whose heart is steady because he trusts in God.
A stable marriage is not built on equal salaries, but on equal commitment to Christ.
2. Remember That God Builds Differently to Society
Think of:
- Ruth and Boaz
- Joseph and Mary
- Sarah and Abraham.
Many biblical couples came from unexpected backgrounds.
The world says: “Look for someone impressive.” But God often works through people who are still growing, still learning, still being shaped. Sometimes the man who earns less financially is already leading faithfully in character and responsibility.
3. Humility Is Beautiful—Both in Women and Men
We often tell men to be humble. But humility is equally beautiful in women.
Sometimes expectations become very high without us realising it. Sometimes we measure people by the wrong things. Sometimes fear of the future makes us demand more security than any one person can guarantee.
Sometimes fear makes us demand more than any one person can guarantee.
Humility says: “I want a godly partner, not a perfect one. I want someone to grow with, not someone already at the finish line.” Humility does not lower standards; it clarifies them.
Walking With Our Sisters
So what should young Christian women in South Africa consider?
- Pray honestly about your desires and fears
- Think carefully about what truly matters in a husband
- Look for signs of faithfulness, not financial perfection
- Be open to building, not just choosing
- Talk to older, godly women in your church—they have wisdom
- Remember that Christ sees you, loves you, and knows your story.
The Gospel Leads to Hope, Not Fear
Success is good. Education is good. Earning well is good. These are blessings from God. But they can bring unexpected challenges. The good news is this: Christ leads us with wisdom, not panic. The gospel teaches us that real security comes not from a partner’s salary but from God’s faithful hand.
And for those who desire marriage, here is the biblical truth to hold onto: A godly marriage is not built by matching incomes, but by matching hearts that fear the Lord.
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