Let me tell you a story that has stayed with me. Back when I was at Trinity Baptist Church in Gqeberha, a man began attending regularly. We got to know him a little; he was friendly, and over time, people began to trust him. Eventually, one young married couple in our church asked him to stay in their flat, while they were away for the weekend.
When they came back, he was gone—along with some valuable items. We never saw him again.
How do we love warmly without being naïve?
That’s an unfortunate story. Thankfully, such things don’t happen often. But it does raise questions that I believe are worth wrestling with together. How do we hold out a genuine welcome to strangers while still protecting the flock? How do we love warmly, without being naïve?
Wrestling with Love and Wisdom
In African cultures, hospitality runs deep. If a stranger comes to your home or village, it’s normal to share food, offer a seat, or even give them somewhere to rest. There’s a beauty in that.
The church should never become cold, suspicious, or closed off.
As Christians, we know God also calls us to show hospitality (Romans 12:13; Hebrews 13:2). But then I remember Jesus’ words: “Be wise as serpents and innocent as doves” (Matthew 10:16). I find myself asking: how do we hold those together? On one hand, the church should never become cold, suspicious, or closed off. On the other, we live in a fallen world where not everyone who comes through the door has good intentions.
Maybe you’ve also felt this tension. If we’re too trusting, we might expose people to harm; if we are too guarded, we risk closing the doors of fellowship. So how do we find that balance?
The Pain of Being Let Down
I think about the couple in my story and how painful it must’ve been. And then I remember: our Lord himself was betrayed by Judas, a disciple who shared life with him for years. This helps me to see that even betrayal isn’t outside of Christ’s own experience. He understands what it feels like to have trust broken.
Christ knows what it feels like to have trust broken.
But it also reminds me that trust is something that grows with proven character. Paul said to Timothy, “Let them also be tested first; then let them serve” (1 Timothy 3:10). In other words, don’t rush. That makes sense, doesn’t it?
The African Context
Now, here in Africa, trust plays out differently depending on where we live. In smaller rural communities, people usually know one another’s families, histories, and reputations. If a stranger comes, elders and leaders often make inquiries. But in the city, it’s different. You can walk into a church on Sunday morning completely unknown, without a soul knowing your past or your people.
We desire to believe someone’s story but are also aware of the need to test it.
And here’s something else that complicates things. Sometimes people tell us their families abandoned them because they chose to follow Jesus. And we know that this is possible. After all, Jesus himself warns that discipleship could divide households (Matthew 10:34-36). But it’s also possible that such a story is being used to cover up other issues. Someone may actually be running away from broken relationships, past harm, or even fraud—they might even be fabricating the story entirely in order to gain sympathy and opportunity. Without discernment, we can easily become the next victims.
This is another tension most of us have felt. We desire to believe the best in someone’s story, but are also aware of the need to test it.
Thinking Together About What This Looks Like
So what might it mean for us to be both warm and wise? Let’s think it through together. Maybe it means:
- Slowing down before entrusting responsibilities. When someone is new, we can welcome them warmly. But we must also ask whether we know them well enough to entrust them with our homes, our finances, or—last of all—with our children?
- Having safeguards in place. Things like background checks for children’s ministry, shared responsibility in finances, and the habit of never leaving vulnerable people in the hands of someone we don’t know.
- Listening carefully to people’s stories. If someone says their family rejected them for Christ, let’s rejoice with them. Only let’s also be wise enough to ask questions; observe consistency over time; and, where possible, speak with those who know them better.
- Knowing how to respond if harm happens. Instead of hiding, we can be open about it; care for those affected; call the sinner to repentance; and, if crimes are involved, involve civil authorities as the Bible calls us to (Romans 13:1-4).
Arms Open, Eyes Open
The longer I think about this, the more I realise we need both open arms and open eyes. If we only have arms open, we risk being harmed; if we only have eyes open, we risk becoming cold and suspicious. But if we have both, we can reflect Christ’s own heart—welcoming, loving, and at the same time watchful and wise.
Let’s keep our arms open to the stranger, but our eyes open to reality.
In our African context, where hospitality is a strength but mobility and anonymity are real challenges, this balance is especially important. The gospel calls us to be a people who welcome widely, but who also protect faithfully.
So maybe the lesson is simple but not easy: let’s be churches that keep our arms open to the stranger, but our eyes open to reality. That way, we can be warm without being naïve, and wise without being cold.
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