Singleness: A Man’s Perspective

Singleness: A Man’s Perspective

Singleness is a God-given gift where you have the time and resources to serve Christ and the church - but we don't always treat single men that way

Transcript

“There are circumstances that have put me in this position of singleness. But also, as I mentioned, coming from that experience – learning a lot about myself – I knew that I have to go back to that place where my relationship with God is first. And I need to get to that place where I’m clear on my responsibility to the kingdom and to the rest of the world. I think that is probably one of the greatest things. I know that I need to know that before I get into a relationship. So that even when I get into a relationship I can tell my counterpart, “listen. This is what God has called me to do in the kingdom, and to the rest of the world.” And then also aligning those two visions.”

Introducing Prince Tshweu – A Single Man

Blaque: Welcome back to another episode of the TGCA Podcast. I have another guest with me today. Sir?

Prince: Yes sir!

Blaque: How are you bro?

Prince: Yes sir. So good bru!

Blaque: Welcome man.

Prince: Thanks my brother. It’s good to be here.

Blaque: Thanks for coming and accepting our invitation.

Prince: It’s a pleasure! Nerve wrecking but it’s a pleasure! I’ve seen the people you have here – they are prolific!

Blaque: They are normal average humans like the rest of us.

Prince: Nah bro.

Blaque: This is not anything like that super hype. You know? That’s why people watch this thing.

Prince: OK. I hope I can deliver.

Blaque: It’s just very average Christians trying to do this life thing.
What’s your name bro?

Prince: My name is Oteng Prince Thsweu. Tswana homie from Rustenburg originally. Yeah. That’s basically  who I am, briefly.

Blaque: What do you do for a living now?

Prince: I’m in pharmaceuticals. So I’m a glorified drug dealer really.

Blaque: You are selling drugs.

Prince: I’m just basically a pharmaceutical rep. So that entails going around educating doctors and pharmacists on the new lines that are in the market. Anything to look out for. And then also making sales. So that is basically it.

Blaque: That’s cool bro. And when did you meet Jesus bro?

Intentionally Pursuing Jesus

Prince: Wow. So, I think it’s… my father was a pastor. So it’s one of those where you grew up in the church. You grew up reading the Bible. So, my father was very involved in making sure that I learnt about my Bible. Or I learnt about God. Went to a Christian school. So, it’s almost like Jesus has always been there. But in terms of me actively and intentionally pursuing Jesus, I think it happened somewhere around grade 10 / 11 ish. That’s where I started really having conviction to actually follow Christ. It was more than just head knowledge and it was more than just activity. It was like a personal relationship. I need to be aware that I am answering to a greater God.

Following Christ… was more than just head knowledge and it was more than just activity. It was like a personal relationship.

Blaque: That’s good bro. You are the perfect person for this podcast bro because you are PK [pastor’s kid]. And apparently PKs are not supposed to date. They are not supposed to be looking at girls. You are just supposed to be reading your Bible. Going to church and somehow magically God is gonna bring a girl to you.

Prince: Somehow.

Blaque: Somehow. Coz you are a PK.

Prince: Yeah.

The Pressure of Being a Pastor’s Kid

Blaque: What’s up with that stigma bro? Did you experience that growing up? Like a lot of people are just like “you’re a pastor’s kid you’re not supposed to do this, this, this and that!”

My father was a pastor of a very small church. It was 3 or 4 families in this shack every single Sunday. It was very intimate – the accountability was real

Prince: No definitely! So the good thing is with me, because my father was a pastor of a very small church. Like very, very small. It was 3, 4 families in this shack every single Sunday. So it was very intimate and the accountability was real in that case. It’s not a big church where anyone can do whatever they want. It’s where you get to meet and you get to actually have like proper engagement with people regarding your life.

Blaque: In each other’s faces, yeah!

Prince: Exactly. And if there are any expectations they are very clear.

Blaque: Sure.

Prince: That you are the pastor’s kid and we expect YOU to live out the life that our kids should follow.

Blaque: Deep bro.

Prince: And I think actually the funny thing is I probably got more of the pressure from my family – like the relatives – than from the church. Coz my father kind of pioneered Christianity in our family. He is the one that kind of introduced Christianity to his family before meeting my mum and then when he met my mum it was that thing of he was the pastor. And all of that. So then obviously coming up under him is that thing of “listen. We’ve seen your father. So…”

Blaque: You need to behave straight son.

Prince: Listen bro!

Blaque: You need to get your act right!

Prince: You need to be like your father. So yeah, that was it.

Blaque: Cool man. You’ve obviously seen from the title we are talking about singleness. It’s a big thing. And I’m gonna find out today, I hope you guys are interested in this! We will find out why it’s such a big thing. Especially among young adults. Christian adults. Alright? So you are single.

Prince: Yes sir.

The Definition of Singleness

Blaque: In fact can you define what singleness is? Let’s just start there you know what I mean? Coz like I know we were having a conversation where we were like “err when you are in a relationship with somebody are you technically still single? Coz you are not married? Are you single if you are courting?” Like what is singleness bro?

I would define singleness as not intentionally pursuing somebody for marriage.

Prince: I think for the purpose of this conversation I would define singleness as not intentionally pursuing somebody for marriage.

Blaque: OK.

Prince: So, it’s simply you being alone and you experiencing this life with no-one else. You don’t see a future with anyone at this point in time. Anyone specific for that matter. So that… yeah. For the purposes of this conversation I would define singleness as that.

Blaque: That’s cool, that’s cool. Yeah. I tend to vibe with that comment. With that definition. And based on that definition you are single.

Prince: Definitely. Very single! Eish! We thank God.

Blaque: How long have you been single bro?

Prince: I’ve been single for… I was single for 7 years. From about 2012 ish. Got into a brief encounter with a young lady early last year. But now I’m single again. So I don’t know if I can say I’ve been single for about a year… or if it’s 8 years! Coz it was a bit like a… you know there was a speed bump on the way. But, yeah. Essentially I think I haven’t been in a serious intentional and spearheaded relationship for the past 8 years.

Blaque: And how old are you?

Prince: I’m 25.

Blaque: Alright, OK. Cool. So I think that is also relevant. Because again like I said a lot of young Christian adults are talking about it. And so we thought we should also like just jump in! Have a conversation about that. So, I think let’s start off with like… the stigmas. Start off with like the bad stuff!

Prince: Ay bro!

The Stigmas around Singleness

Blaque: So what are the stigmas right? For somebody who is watching this and they are like “why are we even talking about singleness?” You guys go through the most.

Prince: We do.

Blaque: Alright? From everyone. From married people, from church people, from your parents, from your friends.

Prince: From other single people!

Blaque: From other single people.

With married people it’s usually that thing of “what is not going right in your life? For you to be alone?”

Prince: Yeah.

Blaque: Like what are some of the stigmas? Run us through some of the things that people say to you as a single person.

Prince: So I think… let me try and group them. So, I will start with married people.

Blaque: Yeah.

Prince: With married people it’s usually that thing of “what is not going right in your life? For you to be alone?”

Blaque: Jee!

Stigma 1: What’s Going Wrong in your Life?

Prince: It’s like bro! But then also it depends. I mean there are couples outside the church that would have such impressions of you. There are people within the church that would actually look at you and encourage you to continue in that. Until a relevant time, which no-one really knows when to define that. What is it? 28? 30? So yeah.

One of the stigmas is what’s not going right in your life. For you to be alone. So then they would ask things like “do you not have a job? Do you not have a stable income? Are you all over the place? What’s going on?” So that is one.

And then… so generally from couples within the church that have a healthy view of marriage and relationships, they would look at a person like myself and be like “you know what? It’s good. Obviously we still need to know why you are single. But it’s good for you to be in this place. Especially if you are also then intentional about serving God and serving his people during that period of time.”

It’s good for you to be in this place. Especially if you are also then intentional about serving God and serving his people during that period of time.”

Blaque: Which we will get into.

Prince: Which we will definitely get into. So that is one. And then from the people that are in between. I don’t know how to define them. People that are dating, but not married.

Blaque: Like courting…

Prince: Courting…

Blaque: Are we putting engaged people there as well?

Stigma 2: Singleness as a Waiting Room for Marriage

Prince: Let’s put engaged people there as well, yes. We can put them together. It’s that thing of “bro! Like, fix your life! We’ve been able to make it. We are in that process.” Coz a lot of the times they see singleness as a transitionary period. Where “listen, you are single because you are preparing for marriage.”

Some see singleness as a transitionary period. Where you are single because you are preparing for marriage.

Blaque: Yeah…

Prince: Which is not completely wrong. But I mean it’s also not the…

Blaque: It’s not completely right either.

Prince: It’s not completely right either. Yeah. It’s about how you define it and from which point you are actually looking at it. So, that would be the people that are engaged where they are just like “ah man. Listen.”

Blaque: “We are doing it. What’s wrong with you?”

Prince: “We are doing it.” Yeah. Because they also see themselves very much related to you because they just came out of singleness. Where they are just like “ai bro. I know what you are going through. Just do this that and the other. You know, be serious about finding…” I was just like. “No.” So that would be from them.

Stigma 3: Just Playing the Field?

And then from other single people. Outside the church they are just assuming that you are just running around. Like you are just living up this life.

Blaque: So non-Christian’s think you are only single because you are a player?

Prince: Yeah. You are only single because – I mean if you are in the church band there’s already a stigma there. You know? We know you are single, because you are… yeah. That would be from other single people outside the church. And then inside the church it’s usually just that thing where they are like, “why? It doesn’t make sense. Why are you single?” Especially in this time where maybe you started working and you started fending for yourself and they are just like, “but… we expect you…”

Blaque: “You are a decent guy. You have a car, you have a job.”

You are a decent guy. You have a car, you have a job – They will say all the things that God does not say about you!

Prince: They will say all the things that God does not say about you. Coz he looks at us and he is like, “hmmmmm. Yes. Ya’ll need me.” But yeah. So people in the church they will just look at you. A lot of the times they will probably even look up to you and be like “ah it’s good that you are in this place that you can be content in being single. But… when are you getting to the relationship?”

Blaque: Yeah sure.

Prince: So yeah, that’s just some of the stigmas.

Chasing Contentment

Blaque: Actually I don’t know why people… like, we talk about contentment. We preach about contentment. But like it’s moments like these I realise that we actually don’t live it. You know what I mean?

Prince: We don’t yeah.

Blaque: I’m married and the day after you get married they are like “when are you having kids?” You have your first kid. “When are you having your second kid?” I mean I’m like “can’t we just be content for now. Just chill? Enjoy where I’m at, move onto the next step, move onto the next step. You know what I mean?”

Prince: No you can’t.

Blaque: I’m like at the rate we are going, after I have like 5, 6 kids people are gonna ask me “when are you dying?” You know what I mean? It’s like really! Can I just live?

I’m convinced that even when I get to the place where I think I want to be, I won’t be content.

Prince: No one wants to experience the present as it is. And that is very true. I think especially when you mentioned that, it’s that thing – I was talking to another friend – and I was like “you know where I am right now, I would never have imagined it three years ago.” I’m actually like a lot further than I had planned to be. But when I look at myself now and at what I think I’m like actually so far from where I want to be.

I am where I wanted to be less than 5 years ago but now I also feel like I’m a lot further than where I want to be. So it’s just that thing. And I was talking to another friend today and I was like “you know, I’m convinced that even when I get to the place where I think I want to be, I won’t be content.”

Blaque: Nah bro!

Prince: If it’s anything outside of God I won’t be content.

Blaque: Exactly bro!

Prince: But yah. Contentment is difficult. It’s a constant tension where one day you are like, “God. You know what I love you, I am content. I trust you.” And the other days you just look at everything else that the world has to offer and…

The Christian View of Singleness

Blaque: I do think that we don’t have a right view of singleness in the church.

Prince: Yes.

Blaque: Coz as much as, you know I am saying people want me to have like babies every week, I think single people just get it the worst! Like all the time. And that is the thing – I don’t get it. You know what I mean? Like you are saying. You get pressure from like all these groups of people. And I am just like “yo man! If you look at like the apostle Paul”, I mean he was single. And he was like ” If I was writing from my own words I would prefer for all of you dudes to be single! Just chill!” And yet we herald him as a hero of the faith – you know what I mean?

But we don’t look at people around us who are single in that same light. We don’t think, “hey man! Like what are you actually doing for God’s kingdom with this time that you have here?” Right?

But I’m not gonna steal the thunder. You know that. So let me ask you bro. Why are you single? Now, currently. I mean you just came off a relationship last year. Why are you single now? Is it a decision? Was it circumstantial? Was it the pressure that people are coming at you with and you are like “well I’m gonna show you, I’m gonna stay single anyway!”

The Idolisation of Relationships

Prince: So I think it’s a little bit of everything. Circumstantial. It’s also the intention from my side as well. So coming from the relationship, the one thing I learned is… I learnt a lot about myself and about my views of relationships. So coming from the family that I come, from I was very blessed by God’s grace to come from a family that is almost socially perfect. In terms of the structure.

I had the right structure. But I think just generally as with everything else we humans just twist things

I had a father that was very loving, very sacrificial. I had a mother that was submissive to that in the Biblical sense – was not a beaten down mother, was not a walk over. I had the right structure. But I think just generally as with everything else we humans just twist things.

Blaque: Yup.

Prince: So I took that beautiful image – or that beautiful representation of a relationship – which I saw from my mother and my father – and I started to idolise it. So walking into relationships I realise that I actually idolise relationships.

Putting my Relationship with God First

And it’s something that I was not aware of until the last relationship that I was in. As brief as it was, it actually taught me a lot about myself. And it exposed a lot of the things that I need to rethink and rewire in my life. So, yes. There are circumstances that have put me in this position of singleness. But also as I mentioned, coming from that experience and learning a lot about myself, I knew that I had to go back to that place where my relationship with God is first.

I need to get to that place where I’m clear on my responsibility to the kingdom and to the rest of the world. I think that is probably one of the greatest things. I know that I need to know that before I get into a relationship. So that even when I get into a relationship I can tell my counterpart, “listen. This is what God has called me to do in the kingdom, and to the rest of the world.” And then also aligning those two visions.

Our Culture Idolises Sex and Marriage

Blaque: That’s power man! I mean, double tapping on that bro that’s the general air we are breathing in our culture. People have idolised sex. People have idolised relationships, you know what I mean? So much so that it’s even crept into the church where people will be like… A friend of mine was telling me, he went to a Christian camp – right? I mean ‘inverted commas’ Christian camp and this was in the States, right? So he left Africa to go to America to go share the Gospel with other people. And so he is going to a Christian camp. But when he gets there he is like no joke, the leaders there were just buck wild. You know what I mean? Watching R-rated movies.

Prince: Wow.

Blaque: You know what I mean? I am just like that’s where we are at.

We idolise marriage in the church. And I think because of that we look at singleness as – ‘urgh! That’s a defect!’

Prince: Yeah

Blaque: That’s where we are at. Like what is happening in the culture we are just like swallowing that without questioning anything. So much so that we’ve… that’s the thing I’ve seen how we idolise marriage in the church. And I think because of that we look at singleness as – “urgh! That’s a defect!” Coz here is our golden calf.

Prince: Yeah, yeah!

Blaque: Here is the thing that looks shiny – that’s amazing. Who are you? Like you are bronze, you are brown you are wooden – what is it? You know what I mean? So I think that’s a very critical point. And something we should be praying against. And something we should be chatting more about.

Prince: True, true.

Serving through Singleness

Blaque: But I think just to go deeper in that bro, you said you wanna spend this time just focusing on the Lord. Using this time to grow in Him. How does it look? Practically? You are in a church, you said you are serving in the band. What other things are you able to do? Coz that’s another misconception. When people think like “I’ll get into a relationship and everything else is still gonna run smoothly.:

Prince: No!

Blaque: You are not gonna have time!

Prince: No! Definitely not.

Blaque: Forget it! I’m like there’s other practical aspects, but time is a big one.

Prince: It is, very, very.

Blaque: Because your focus shifts when you get married. Definitely my wife is my primary ministry. My family is who I look after first before everything else that I do. But everything else will only get a piece of me because most of me is taken by my family. Anyway – how does that look like for you bro? Practically what are you using this time for?

Being Part of A Community

Prince: I think it’s the practical definition of being single as a Christian guy at this age is firstly being part of a community. So being part of a community for me the importance of that is being able to feed off all the Christians. And with that, the beauty of that, is not only do you get Biblical or spiritual encouragement, but it’s also the very practical things of running a family. Or rather, in a very simple sense, how to die to yourself.

Blaque: Sure.

Prince: So being part of a community where there are older men that actually have families, you get to learn almost first hand like what it means to die to yourself. And what I have seen is that when look at the older gentlemen I get to almost gauge myself. If I am really ready for a family, let alone a relationship! So practically for me it means being part of a community, so that you are being fed.

Faithfully Stewarding What God has Given You

Second to that I think it’s also being aware of what God has given you, and being a faithful steward of that. God has given us various gifts and talents and resources. And it’s about learning how to actually use everything he has given you for the glory of his name. So for me it’s then applying what I have, every single thing that I have, from my gifts, my personality to my resources. Financial, time, whatever! Applying that to the kingdom and then seeing that outflow into the entire world. So that I would say is the two main things that I’d refer to in terms of the practicality of being single as a Christian guy.

God has given us various gifts and talents and resources. And it’s about learning how to actually use everything he has given you for the glory of his name.

Blaque: And what are some of the benefits that you’ve found from those kind of experiences? So for you. So you are learning stewardship, dope. You are learning how to die to self by being with other older guys. How have you… so those two things, how have they benefitted your own personal walk with Jesus? Your own life in other areas? So learning how to die to self, yes we see it with the fam. But you still don’t have a fam yet – you are alone. So how does that look like then for you in other areas of your life?

Being Instrumental in Establishing the Kingdom

Prince: I think it’s… the lesson is that it’s not about you. Because when you are single it’s just… you are all you have. Essentially.

Blaque: Relatively speaking.

Prince: But it’s good to get to that place where you are like – you know what – in as much as I am only taking care of myself. I don’t have responsibilities or immediate responsibilities, it’s also not just about me. It’s not about what I… I mean it’s not about what I feel like – or I am not at the end of how this life should pan out. It’s about making sure that you are instrumental in establishing the kingdom of God on earth. And making sure that you can represent Jesus as best as you can.

So in terms of how it applies to every single part of my life, I think with regards to work, it’s that thing of understanding that is an opportunity to witness. And I don’t have to go home in the evening to someone, or a family, I have all the time that I want to actually go the extra mile and say “you know what? After we are done with the presentations, after we are done talking about the medicine, what’s going on in your life?”

Blaque: Let’s have coffee.

If I was in a relationship I wouldn’t have that ability, or even the interest, to go the extra mile with other people.

Prince: “Let’s have coffee. Let’s talk about everything else beyond the scope of medicine, of pharmaceuticals.” So that is another advantage of being single and being in this space. Because I don’t think if I had someone… and now bearing in mind that this is a person that idolises relationships. If I was in a relationship I wouldn’t have that ability, or even the interest, to go the extra mile with other people. It would be “you know what, I am here to do what I have to do and then I’m going home, and I’m meeting up with my girlfriend” or whatever the case is. But because it’s just me it requires you to kind of break yourself apart to every single person.

Blaque: Literally die to yourself.

Prince: Definitely so. So that’s… it’s a struggle but yes.

It’s Not about Me

Blaque: That’s actually beautiful bro. I have never heard anyone describe it like that. Like you are learning how to… You are single, but it’s not all about you. Coz when you think of singleness – like it is about me, I am alone.

Prince: Yes.

Blaque: But I think it also helps one not to be a nasal… nasal gazer. Eish what’s the English word where you look at your…

Prince: Naval gazer? I think it’s naval gazer.

Blaque: Ay English! Naval gazer, yeah!

Prince: I guess you are looking at yourself.

Blaque: Yeah, yeah. It helps you not to be that! In one way where you are like “ah woe is me! Everyone else is in a relationship, this stuff is bad, da da da it sucks.”

Prince: Which is the case! Because everyone around me is in a relationship!

Blaque: Yeah but I am saying if you die to yourself then you are not there saying “woe is me”

Prince: You are not yeah.

Blaque: Because your eyes are up – you are like “oh! That person doesn’t know Jesus. Or the students need to be driven home so I can drive them home and share Jesus with them in the car.”

Prince: Exactly that.

Blaque: “Oh smack! I am going to whatever province this week to sell drugs, medication! And I am gonna meet with this client, that client, and then…” you know what I mean? So it helps you not to naval gaze.

Prince: Yes.

Blaque: I think that is right – please correct us! In one sense so you are not saying woe is me. But secondly, again, which I just alluded to now, it helps you to say – “if it’s not about me then who is it about?”

Prince: No – legit.

Blaque: I have never heard anyone say that bro!

Prince: And I think it’s actually..

Blaque: I have to confess like even right now I am like “you are single, it is about you!”

Beware of Self-Love & ‘Protecting Your Peace’

Prince: No, no. And that’s what the world will convince you that… listen. Self-love! There are some things that are trending now. Things like self-love, or protecting your peace. There are a lot of things, that people talk about, there are a lot of philosophies that just make it about you! And the sad thing is that you actually even get these things from people that are in relationships. People who are in a relationship and they are talking about self-love. And protecting your peace. And talking now about the Christian community – I’m not talking about the world.

For me to understand that my life would actually be so much smaller if I made it about me.” That is a Godly understanding.

The world can have these conversations… but… us as believers? I don’t know where we get these ideologies from. But yes, in a world that convinces us it is about us, it was… I think for me it was when I realised that it’s not, I was like this can only be God. Because I am surrounded by people that are saying the exact opposite. So when I came to that realisation I was like “God, this is you. For me to understand that my life would actually be so much smaller if I made it about me.” That is a Godly understanding. So yeah! That’s what it is.

Advice for Single Guys

Blaque: Bro – somebody is single – they are out there – what would your advice be to them? Single guys specifically. We are having part 2 where we are going to be speaking to a lady. I should have mentioned that at the beginning. But this is like part 1: Singleness from a guy’s perspective. So what would you say to a dude out there who is like “yo man. I’m young… Family is like eh! You need to get married! Church is saying you need to get married. There’s like young ladies at church I am seeing who might be interested but right now I just feel like I just wanna embrace this gift.” You know what I mean? It’s a gift! Singleness is a gift.

Prince: It’s a beautiful gift.

Blaque: As much as marriage is a gift.

Focus on God because once you focus on God everything else will make sense

Prince: Yes sir. A guy that’s single at this age. It’s a cliché and the advice that I got. At first I didn’t even take much of it. But focusing on God – yeah. Like focus on God because once you focus on God everything else will make sense. I know it is very cliched for one to say. But really focus on your relationship with God.

How to Focus on God in your Singleness

Grow in your understanding of scripture – which we hope will then lead to you having a greater relationship with Jesus Christ – and see how that then changes every other facet of your life. Because I think it’s also a very challenging time when you are single as a guy in this day and age when there are so many pressures that are just forcing you in the different direction. But keeping your eyes on God and allowing Him to expose you for who you are.

Because sometimes we want relationships but we are not ready. And I think it’s, for me, the greatest thing was understanding, or coming to the realisation, that you know, these things are actually a lot more work than I thought! It’s a different level of dying to self. And for a person that has been single for so long you can also imagine how much you’ve only made it about yourself. So now you have to unlearn everything else. So, at this age I would tell the guy “listen, be focused on God. Growing in scripture. Growing your involvement in the church. And being aware of what God has given you and what he expects you to do with everything that he has given you.” Yeah that’s… for me that would be the crux of it.

Be Outward Looking

Blaque: That’s power bro. No I appreciate that man. I think just to add on to that if you… I mean we always say at our church that we should not be an inward looking church. You know what I mean? Because once you do that you start dying. Be always out-looking. You know? So Matthew 28 says “go out” and go share Jesus with people. And I think as a single person – a guy specifically – I think if your church is not like that try and encourage that kind of stuff.

Go on mission! You know what I mean? You are on mission where you are but like, short term missions, long term missions, coz you can do that. You have time, you have energy, you have resources as Prince has said. So use that stuff. Use that time to be more outward looking to try and share Christ with people. I think for me that would be the greatest advice. As you are growing in scripture, as you are growing to love people, as you are growing to enjoy ministry, I would say just give yourself more and more. If they need somebody to pack chairs, be there.

Singleness is a gift. So God gives us those gifts and he graces us differently at different points in our lives so that we can serve him.

Prince: Definitely.

Blaque: Let’s do it! You don’t have the same pressures that somebody who is married or somebody who has kids has. There is a lot of flexibility and again, that is why I am saying singleness is a gift. So God gives us those gifts and he graces us differently at different points in our lives so that we can serve him. So I would say wholeheartedly serve man!

Married People – Stand up for Singleness

And if there’s people in your community who are saying stupid things sit them down! Have a conversation! Coz that’s another thing I think – it’s weird. I don’t know if it’s Christian culture or African culture but when I walk into a room as a married person I could feel the temperature in terms of respect rising up.

Prince: Yep – you are more important.

Blaque: Yeah! So that’s why I am like I don’t know if it’s African culture or it’s Christian culture. It’s certainly not Biblical.

Prince: Definitely.

Blaque: And so I walk into a room and then people are like “oh yah sure sure.” You walk in the room and they are like “who’s this boy?” And I am like “nah bro.” And sure – I should repent as a mad person that when I see that I should correct people.

Prince: Yeah.

We can encourage single people in our community, in our church, in our family to thrive in serving… in this time that God has given them

Blaque: But I was saying for single guys I think pull people to the side and just be like “yo.” Respect, honesty, all of those in check – I don’t think that stuff is legit right? But instead we can encourage single people in our community, in our church, in our family to thrive in serving the community, in serving the church, in serving God in this time that God has given them you know what I mean.

Prince: No definitely.

Give Dignity to Singleness

Blaque: And I think if those kind of little nuances change in how we treat people, I think slowly but surely people will start looking at singleness as a gift. As something that is good. Not – “ooah what’s wrong with you?”

Prince: And I think actually the responsibility that we have from both sides – both single and married – is to revise the meaning of both contexts. To give equal dignity to being single. I think it’s Paul that talks about it in 1 Corinthians 7, where he speaks about being single and being married. I mean its… when you understand what the point of life is, you get to understand that marriage is not the end goal. You get to understand that if anything marriage is just another vehicle to do what you are supposed to do on earth.

If I die single, if I die tonight, God is not gonna ask me “why didn’t you get married?”

Blaque: Amen!

Prince: If I die single, if I die tonight, God is not gonna ask me “why didn’t you get married?” That’s no! No! He is gonna ask me “listen, I gave you resources, I gave you – were you a good steward of what I gave you?”

Blaque: When we walk in he is not gonna say “well done my good and faithful husband”

Prince: No! God is not interested in such. But if you are married obviously he is gonna ask you like with that vehicle that I provided what did you do. So I think we need to just revise both contexts and give equal dignity. Because it’s important that we understand that singleness is just as beautiful. So that the people that are single, they can learn how to be involved in the kingdom. And they can have worth in God, not in themselves or in their singleness, but worth in God. That listen, “you are in a very prime position for you to serve God and his people. So don’t feel like you are any less than. Because you are gonna go home and your bed is cold.” But that is just the life. That’s the reality.

Blaque: We are in Jesus’s hands. And not in like a funky way but we are.

Prince: Yes definitely.

Signing Off

Blaque: Yo bro! I enjoyed this. Hopefully it was helpful for you guys. Again if you have any comments or you have anything that you wanna say about what we have been chatting about, it’s obviously open. We wanna hear what people are thinking. Part 2 is coming. We are gonna have a lady and just chat to her about the same thing. But again please follow us on all social media and check out all our content on the website. If you want articles or you want resources for training Pastors just stuff to use in Bible study. Whatever it is. Please do check out the TGCA website.
And with that said grace and peace! Thanks so much Prince for joining us bro.

Prince: Thanks my brother! Pleasure being here. Hopefully next time I will come and we will talk about marriage!

Blaque: Next time!

Prince: God willing.

Blaque: Yes, yes.

Singleness is a God-given gift where you have the time and resources to serve Christ and the church – but we don’t always treat single men that way. Blaque and Prince discuss the stigmas that surround being single in a Christian community. Judgement and misunderstanding comes from all quarters: married people, courting couples and other singles. Yet Prince believes that by putting service to God, not himself, at the centre – he can grow the kingdom in a truly fruitful way.

Treating Singleness as a Gift

“There are circumstances that have put me in this position of singleness. But also, as I mentioned, coming from that experience – learning a lot about myself – I knew that I have to go back to that place where my relationship with God is first. And I need to get to that place where I’m clear on my responsibility to the kingdom and to the rest of the world. I think that is probably one of the greatest things. I know that I need to know that before I get into a relationship. So that even when I get into a relationship I can tell my counterpart, “listen. This is what God has called me to do in the kingdom, and to the rest of the world.” And then also aligning those two visions.”

For a full transcript of this podcast ‘Singleness: A Man’s Perspective’ click on the toggle button above.

Click here to listen to part 2 of our conversation ‘Singleness: A Woman’s Perspective.’

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