“Parents always say “my children don’t listen to me! My children are trying to impose themselves on me!” And children are saying “my parents are dictators! They want to impose their will on me! They don’t know that I’m also a human being and I have my own will!” So, there is always that tension between parents and children.
The Duty of Children. The Limits of Parents
Paul tells us in Colossians that if you want to live in parent child relationship in a manner that glorifies Jesus – in a manner that honours God – well, children have a duty. Their duty, their responsibility, is to obey their parents. And parents have limits. The limit is for parents not to irritate – not to provoke – not to render their children fearful and bitter. Not to discourage their children. And Paul says if that’s what happens; if that’s the dynamic of the life in the family, then it will be a family that honours God. It will be a family that honours Jesus.
It’s only as we are seeking to honour God that we will honour our parents.
We Need God
But this must go beyond just a father-son or daughter-mother relationship. Because it’s only as we are obeying God that we will be able to obey our parents. For it’s only as we are seeking to honour God that we will honour our parents. Indeed, it’s only as we’ve experienced the compassion and the grace and the love of God that we will be able to love our children and not provoke them. And not irritate them; not discourage them.”
Listen to Nic Kyalangalilwa as he works through Colossians 3:20-21. He explores the duties of children, the limits of parents in guiding their children and place of Christ in the family. Nic helps us answer these critical questions: How do we live in our families – as children or as parents – giving thanks to Jesus? How do we live “in a manner worthy of the Lord”? How do we live in our families in a way that glorifies and honours God?
Text: Colossians 3:20-21
Date preached: 16 June 2019
Location: Le Phare Church, Bukhavu, DRC-Congo
Transcript
Now, there is a poet and a philosopher called Kahlil Gibran. He wrote a poem and the poem says “your children are not your children.” And in the poem this is what he says. He says “children are living arrows.” An arrow is what you use – an archer uses an arrow to hit an animal, or at war to kill people. Right. You hope it’s not for war but it’s for, you know, getting animals. So that’s what he says. He says children are living arrows. They are arrows which are alive. They have their own life. And I think he captures the struggle every parent and every child face in life.
You see parents always say “my children don’t listen to me! My children are trying to impose themselves on me!” And children are saying “my parents are dictators! They want to impose their will on me! They don’t know that I’m also a human being and I have my own will!” So, there is always that tension between parents and children. Children think their parents want to impose their will on them and parents think their children don’t want to listen to them. Therefore, they want to impost themselves.
So how do you live in that family relationship as God’s people? How do you live in that family relationship following Colossians 3:17? “For the glory of Jesus.” That’s what it says. “And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” How do you live in your family – as a child or as a parent – giving thanks to Jesus? Giving thanks to God the father through Jesus? How do you do that? How do you live Colossians 1:10? How do you live “in a manner worthy of the Lord”? How do you live in your family in a way that glorifies God and honours God?
Well Paul says if you want to live in parent child relationship in a manner that glorifies Jesus – in a manner that honours God – well, children have a duty. And their duty, their responsibility, is to obey their parents. And parents have limits. And the limit is for parents not to irritate – not to provoke – not to render their children fearful and bitter. Not to discourage their children. And Paul says if that’s what’s happened; if that’s the dynamic of the life in the family, then it will be a family that honours God. It will be a family that honours Jesus.
My goal this evening is very simple. Right? Some of you are children. I hope to remind you to obey your parents. Some of you are parents. Or will be parents. I hope to remind you that when you are guiding your family, not to provoke them. Not to discourage them. Not to be obsessively ruling and lord over your family. I hope to remind you to follow the example of Jesus. Be gentle and kind and compassionate towards your family. That’s what I hope.
But I do know that this must go beyond just a father-son or daughter-mother relationship. Because it’s only as we are obeying God that we will be able to obey our parents. It’s only as we are seeking to honour God that we will honour our parents. It’s only as we’ve experienced the compassion and the grace and the love of God that we will be able to love our children and not provoke them. And not irritate them; not discourage them. So, in the end I hope that me and you will relook and re-inspect our relationship with God. And from there, hopefully, find all that we need to be that which we need to be in our families.
Three points, which are really what we have here in the two verses. The first is what are the duties of the children? It says children obey your parents. What are the limits of the parents in the guiding of their family? Well it says, “fathers do not provoke your children.” Those are two points and of course the last one is Christ in the family.
To pick up the rest of this sermon please press play and go to timestamp 4:55 in the audio file.