The Bible commands children to honour their parents. The cultural dynamic of the African home is largely consistent with that command, because there is a genuine reverence and authority for parents. Sadly there are also scenarios where this goes to extremes, which we’ll explore below. Many Western cultures elevate and prioritise children in the home much more than parents. But in African cultures it’s usually the other way around. There is a real honouring of parents, even when it’s unspoken. And that’s a plus. However, in churches and Kenyan culture at large I’ve observed a distortion of what honouring one’s parents means in many churches. That’s the focus of this article.
Do those who honour their parents, particularly financially, receive a supernatural blessing?
There is an increasingly popular idea, teaching related to honouring parents that says this: those who honour their parents into their old age, particularly financially, receive a supernatural blessing; on the contrary, those who aren’t financially able to help their parents are likely to miss out on those blessings. Attached to this is shame, being made to feel guilty or that you’ve failed your parents, even when simply don’t have the means to help them.
What about those who’ve dishonoured their parents in other ways, which we all have? What about children who’ve given their parents heartache, moved them to shed tears? Are they cursed? That would be for a different article. The question I want to consider briefly below is this: does being more financially stable and therefore able to financially support your aging parents guarantee supernatural blessings? Alternatively, does financial instability and the relatively inability to support your parents mean you’re going to miss out on blessings?
We Are Blessed and Need Not Fear Curses
The first book of the Bible focuses on a family. Towards its end, we see Jacob pronouncing blessings on his children (Genesis 49). And God fulfils those promises in the Old Testament. Contrast with those blessings, we see Noah cursing his son, which also comes to pass. Bringing those together, the blessing and cursing of children in light of how they treat their parents is found in the 5th commandment (Exodus 20:12), which Paul traces in the New Testament (Ephesians 6:2-3).
All believers are called blessed—there are no degrees.
But we need to note at least two things. Firstly, even though these parents spoke both blessings and curses, the fulfilment of those words wasn’t in their own authority but God’s power. In other words, the power wasn’t purely located in their words, but the God they served. Secondly, and even more importantly, is this: when the New Testament speaks about curses it says they’ve been removed by Christ, while all believers are called blessed—there are no degrees.
How Children Honour Parents
Unsurprisingly then, when we survey the New Testament the concept of children honouring their parents isn’t something supernatural. No special blessing is entailed. Instead, wisdom dictates that you do good works where the Lord creates room for them. One such space is children and their parents.
So if you have the means and are in the financial position to help your parents, do so. After all, any such position is nothing other than the providence of God. So then, joyfully—and without begrudging siblings that might not be able to help—you can support your parents financially. If they need it, you should. Do it with humility, not deeming yourself special nor despising some kind of special blessing from God for doing so. Remember, you are walking in the good works that the Lord prepared for you (Ephesians 2:10). At the same time, remember this: good works done for God’s blessing can actually be pretty selfish. This isn’t something the Lord typically blesses.
Don’t fall into the traps of self-pity or guilt.
On the other hand, if you don’t have the financial means you can rest in our sovereign God—both in his good providence and will. Added to this, don’t fall into the traps of self-pity or guilt. “As we have opportunity,” writes Paul, “let us do good to everyone” (Galatians 6:10). As you have opportunity. Finally, if your siblings are able to help your parents, don’t covet their financial position. Rather be grateful that God is providing for your parents through them.
The desire to honour your aging parents by supporting them financially is a wonderful one. But don’t let it lead to unspoken shame. You aren’ a failure if you can’t. Rather, entrust yourself to God, both to his grace and his providence. Pray. Perhaps he will provide for them by some way other than your pockets.
No Greater Blessing Than Being in Christ
In closing, you aren’t missing out on any of God’s blessings if you aren’t financially supporting your parents. Nor are you going to be cursed. The power to bless or curse is in the hands of God. Even if your parents pronounced a curse on you, you can rest assured that Christ absorbed curses for believers. The Bible’s clear command is for children to honour their parents, in all the ways they’re able.
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