The concept of friendship no doubt has evolved significantly, especially with growing individualism and the influence of digital media on society. Becoming someone’s friend on social media may simply mean a connection that allows one to follow each other’s posts; or it may mean ‘we have a meaningful relationship spanning years through which we seek to care for one another.’ Thus, friendships have arguably moved from proximity-based bonds characterised by intentional presence to digitally mediated relationships, with a very wide spectrum of commitment levels. Could it be that in increasingly individualistic societies, we have lost both the sacredness and the true blessing of this gift?
Siphokazi seeks to offer depth and clarity to significance of friendship.
Friendship: To Serve or Be Served? seeks to offer depth and clarity to the essence and significance of friendship, among the many other relationships we enjoy. The author’s Christian worldview is evident from the onset, even in her discussion of friendship as a sacred gift. Siphokazi’s exploration of friendship, with that background, is carried out over four chapters, which build on each other and culminate in the chapter that bears the same title as the book. After that comes a brief epilogue, guiding the reader in how they might contemplate and apply the contents of the book.
Recovering the Essence of Friendship
As I’ve already mentioned, the author of Friendship readily describes the preciousness of friendship. However, she doesn’t stop there. For in considering the wonder of friendship she identifies it as a reminder of our deep longing for fellowship, which can only be fully satisfied in God. Though Siphokazi doesn’t provide many scriptural references in making this case, the link isn’t difficult to see. With seasons and life stages most of us can attest to friendships changing and others being lost entirely. Thus while most of us can attest to the profound impact friendships have had on us, we can also admit that we haven’t prized or prioritised them enough. Thankfully, in Christ we discover a fellowship—a friend—that is permanent.
Friends in the Bible
In the second chapter, Siphokazi correctly identifies the Bible as a believer’s guidebook for life. Throughout it, she argues, we see that friendship is a gift from God. So while we rejoice and rest in our friendship with God (above), we shouldn’t ignore the delight of human friends in God’s design. For example, if we turn to Jesus’ High Priestly Prayer we get a glimpse of how Jesus perceived friendship. As Siphokazi notes, Jesus regards his friends highly; there is a heightened sense of intimacy in his friendship with the apostles. Various other sections of the Bible get mentioned alongside John 17. These include Paul’s letters, Old Testament poetry as well as narrative, and the Gospels—to list a few. Taken together these demonstrate how pervasive friendship is in scripture.
Combating the World’s Mantras
In her third chapter, Siphokazi sets out to demonstrate the deficiencies of common mantras relating to friends:
- “If it no longer serves you, cut it off”
- “Surround yourself with positive people who will lift you higher”
- “When you focus on yourself, some relationships have to go.”
The distinctly selfish deficiency of all of these is that the focus isn’t on the good or wellbeing of our friends but only ever ourselves. Therefore these mantras and all like them fall far short of the God-shaped nature and blessings of true friendship. By contrast, Siphokazi argues that true friendship must be sacrificial in nature; anchored in love for our friends rather than the self; and committed to their benefit. This chapter challenges the unhelpful ways in which friendships are often treated in our age.
The focus isn’t on the good or wellbeing of our friends but only ever ourselves.
In the final chapter Siphokazi reaffirms the gospel essence and divine purpose of friendship, albeit within a long and possibly distracting discussion about how the title of the book was derived. That criticism aside, much of this chapter is a reiteration of those before it. In this way the argument and flow of the book is sounded again. However, much of it is a bit repetitive.
Restore the Sacred Bonds
The epilogue of Friendship is a brief call to apply the contents of the book. Siphokazi does this in a Christian-facing manner; that is, she explicitly addresses Christians and how they view their friends. In my opinion, this concluding chapter might’ve been strengthened by urging non-believers that their deepest longings can only be met in Christ, who offers us friendship. But in a society overly centred on consumerism and self-interest, Siphokazi applies her Christian worldview to the concept of friendship, presenting a compelling argument that true friendship is a divine gift. She also emphasises that genuine friendship should ultimately bring glory to God, particularly when rooted in love and humility, directed towards serving our friends rather than ourselves.
Friendship: To Serve or To Be Served?
Siphokazi Mjijwa
Siphokazi delves into the often-overlooked significance of friendship in Christian circles. In this insightful exploration, she challenges prevalent societal norms that prioritise self-interest over selfless service. Drawing from biblical teachings and personal reflections, this book navigates through the essence of friendship, its sacred bonds, and contrasting perspectives presented by the world. With a compelling call to return to the timeless principles of scripture, readers are encouraged to reevaluate their approach to friendships, ultimately seeking to glorify God through meaningful and authentic connections.
This book is a delightful reminder of one of God’s most precious gifts.
Siphokazi’s prose beautifully draws the reader in, resulting in an unusual delight despite a fairly usual subject: friendship. This book is both concise and compelling. Written in an easy-to-read yet engaging style, Friendship lends itself to both individual and group reading. It is a delightful reminder of one of God’s most precious gifts.
