One of the most important values for any human being aiming to achieve something is self-control. Self-control means restraining our appetites, desires, and even emotions, from anger to jealousy. In fact, self-control is so important that Paul writes, “Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable” (1 Corinthians 9:25). Self-control could mean reining in our temper and words (Proverbs 15:1), resisting the temptation to cheat financially (Proverbs 11:1), or even controlling oneself from becoming a glutton (Proverbs 23:2). However, this article will examine self-control as it relates to sexual purity and casual sex.
Christians have an even higher calling to control themselves if they want to live right with God. Without holiness, God says, we shall not see him (Hebrews 12:14). And self-control, a fruit of the Spirit, is a crucial form of discipline for a Christian. It takes a lot of introspection and humility to accept that there is something inside of us, our sinful appetites, that need to be addressed and held in check.
Our faith is very much at loggerheads with the world when it comes to sex.
We ought to throw off everything that easily entangles us and identify whatever sin or sins are holding us back so we can run the race marked out for us (Hebrews 12:1). The Christian faith is very much at loggerheads with the world when it comes to the place and importance of sex. The “new normal” in the world says, ‘You can always get married later, but don’t put off having as much sex as possible now’.
In this article, I present four Biblical reasons why we must exercise restraint until we are married.
1. God Empowers Self-Control
The Bible teaches us that it is right to wait on God, exercising restraint of our bodily desires (1 Peter 5:8). For young people, this can especially be difficult when your hormones are surging and the surrounding culture celebrates casual sex. But God calls on us to be pure. “Marriage should be honoured by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral” (Hebrews 13:4).
Self-control is a key aspect of the Christian life (2 Timothy 1:7; Titus 2:6, 12; 1 Peter 4:7; 2 Peter 1:6). It is a “fruit of the Spirit” (Galatians 5:22–23). Christians leaders should especially characterise it (1 Timothy 3:2; Titus 1:8).
Something inside of us needs to be bridled.
According to The New York Times, Walter Mischel conducted an experiment in self-control with young children who were left alone in a room with a bowl of marshmallows with firm instructions not to eat them. They were promised two marshmallows if they didn’t touch the bowl of marshmallows for 15 minutes. Mischel’s experiment, which was conducted over several decades, found that the pre-schoolers who were able to wait 15-minutes went on to get higher grades later in school and even university. They also coped better with stress and had better jobs than their counterparts, who broke the 15-minute rule. This was an epic example of the pay-off of patience and self-control.
God’s call for Christians to be self-controlled presupposes two things:
- There is something inside of us that needs to be bridled or held in check
- In Christ we have the ability to control ourselves.
2. God Exhorts Us to Holiness
The Bible commands us to live a holy life. This does not mean we will not fall short and sin. However, it does mean that our pursuit must be to do God’s work and live for him. In Romans 12:2 God exhorts us not to “conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Similarly, John writes “Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever” (1 John 2:15-17).
God calls us to be separate, holy and live for Christ.
So, yes, your friends may be having children out of wedlock and you may wonder if you are missing out. But you should trust God and wait on him for his timing.
We live in a day and age when Christians are regularly being challenged. We walk a tightrope of keeping our jobs and our faith at the same time. Christians are under pressure to act like the world wants us to. This is perhaps especially true of sexual ethics. But God calls us to be separate, holy and to live for Christ (2 Corinthians 6:17).
3. God Expects Us to Steward Our Bodies
Your friends might be living the life now, having fun, getting drunk on the weekends, doing whatever they want. But remember God’s exhortation “to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship” (Romans 12:1; 1 Corinthians 3:16-17).
Sex is never casual. It creates lasting bonds.
Tragically, sexual sin is damaging. Casual sex causes both personal and collateral damage. It gives the illusion of pleasure. But this is always short-lived. And it is often followed by unwanted pregnancies, STDs, psychological trauma, and shame. This explains Paul’s language in 1 Corinthians 6:16, “Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, ‘The two will become one flesh.’” Sex is never casual. It creates lasting bonds. This is why Paul simultaneously admits his preference for singleness but says courting Christians ought to marry if they burn with passion. (1 Corinthians 7:9).
4. Don’t Confuse Sex with Love
Never mistake sex with love, least of all casual sex. That is not how true love works. “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).
Never feel bad for believing and standing by what God says.
Never feel bad for believing and standing by what God says, even if it offends the person you’re in a relationship with. If they truly love you, they will respect your body and your wishes.
