Marriage is God’s idea. In Genesis 2:18-23, we see God initiate marriage and Adam joyfully affirm it: “This is at last bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” (Genesis 2:23).
But with the fall of man (Genesis 3) and the drift of culture over time, humanity has redefined marriage and sought to give it meaning apart from God’s design. In many ways, marriage itself has notably been scorned—replaced with shadow versions like cohabitation or casual partnership. People want the benefit of marriage (e.g. companionship, sex, etc.) without the commitment.
God never intended for marriage to be measured by emotional highs or fleeting novelty.
Among these cultural distortions is the phrase or idea of a “honeymoon phase.” Honeymoon phase describes the early, euphoric period of marriage when affection and connection come easily. But this concept finds no grounding in scripture. Marriage, as God intended, was never meant to be measured by emotional highs or fleeting novelty.
The Shock of Marriage
I remember attending a marriage seminar with my then-fiancée, just before our wedding. Behind us, a few older couples made snarky remarks to the newly engaged. “Enjoy the honeymoon phase while it lasts,” they smiled. “Real life is coming.” They were unsettling words. We believed marriage was a gift from God, only to have seasoned believers suggest its joy would be short-lived.
The first few years of marriage can be tough.
In many people’s experience, the first few years can be tough. But our God uses the ‘three Ts’ towards his good ends and glory. Fast-forward to the months after our wedding: we were not exempt. Whether that older couple was right, or whether God simply had a different path for us, our marriage soon entered the wilderness territory soon after we tied the knot. Those months were marked by church hurt, relocation, and health challenges that would ultimately stretch across our first five years together.
I could share much about those seasons, how our background gave us little language for depression as a health issue rather than demon possession. But looking back, one thing stands out clearly: God ordained for us to walk through hardship within the gift of community. Christian community became our lifeline in the wilderness.
The Sanctifying Power of Marriage
As already alluded to, we live in a fallen world that naturally offers what I’m calling the three Ts: troubles, trials, and tribulations. The Bible doesn’t shy away from that reality. Jesus Himself said, “In this world you will have trouble” (John 16:33). And he calls on us to take up our cross daily (Luke 9:23). Peter cautions, “Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you” (1 Peter 4:12). There’s no fine print that exempts marriage from those trials.
Anything that confronts selfishness has a sanctifying effect. Marriage, by design, does just that.
You might’ve have heard the phrase: ‘We are saved; we are being saved; and we will be saved.’ That middle part—we are being saved— describes sanctification: the lifelong process of being made and becoming holy. Anything that confronts our sin and selfishness has a sanctifying effect. And marriage, by design, does just that.
A Honeymoon Phase That Lasts
Here’s the point: when life feels heavy, when hardship tests your patience, and when your own selfishness is exposed, marriage can seem feel like a far-cry from any so-called honeymoon phase. But if we remember that God uses marriage to sanctify us—to make us more like Christ—then the honeymoon doesn’t have to end.
Remember that God uses marriage to make us more like Christ.
We can choose to be like our Lord Jesus Christ when we learn to let go of our selfishness; to practice self-control, patience, and the rest of the fruit of the Spirit. We then begin to love as God intended, and we start to serve each other sacrificially. In that kind of love, joy is renewed again and again. The honeymoon can, in truth, last a lifetime. Not because marriage is easy. But because grace makes it enduringly beautiful.
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