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Are you finding certain fellow Christians frustrating?

We began in my previous article by examining three of the six responses to the frustrations we experience with other followers of Christ. Those were:

  1. Examine your own heart
  2. Turn your struggles with others into prayer (and thank God for them)
  3. Watch your speech about them to others.

This article will offer three more:

4. Raise Issues, When You Feel You Must

I’ve met very few people who enjoy confrontation. I’m glad about that, because they’re unpleasant. And more than that, the Bible warns us about those with an unhealthy appetite for controversy, nit-picking, and arguments (1 Timothy 6:3-5; 2 Timothy 2:23-24). On the other hand, I would suspect that most of us are far too gun shy about having robust conversations. This could be by temperament, or family systems history, or just because of sheer sin—such as people pleasing and fear of people.

The scriptures talk much about the goodness of rebukes and warnings.

But the scriptures talk much about the goodness of rebukes and warnings. Just think Proverbs or Jesus’ teaching. They can be a means of grace. And friends, especially those who are saints, willing to say tough words in love are gold. We don’t need yes-men. We need those who love the Lord and love us enough to call out certain issues and to raise concerns. To have robust conversations. For our good, and for the kingdom.

Having Tough Conversations

Responsible Christian love sometimes demands that we broach topics or issues we’d rather not. To be the one to say, ‘We need to talk.’ To have the kind of conversations that might require a change of shirt afterwards.

Responsible Christian love sometimes demands that we broach issues we’d rather not.

And even if what we have to say is valid, how we talk to this person matters: in both our manner and motives. But if we’ve been checking our own hearts, and if we have been praying for this person, then there is a good chance that the Lord will already be shaping our tone and words to be those that come alongside and not over the person we need to talk to. And so, if the issue does need discussing then, for their good and with love, have the conversation. Conformity to Christ does often include needing to have and hear fierce conversations, confronting Christians that are frustrating you. And secure in Christ, we can both initiate and receive those kinds of exchanges.

5. Swallow Certain Issues (and Pray the Long Game)

It takes wisdom and godliness to know when to step up for that conversation. It also takes wisdom and godliness to know when to ‘let love cover over a multitude of sins’ (1 Peter 4:8). There is a time to raise issues. And there is a time to let them lie or even just to swallow them entirely.

Of course, because I think most of us shy away from confrontation, I put this as the 5th rather than the 4th point. Many of us might perhaps be prone to sell our lack of responsible action as ‘love that forgets.’ Yet perhaps, in reality, all we do is drive the issue deeper, or practise classic diversion techniques that don’t really work.

There is a time to raise issues. And there is a time to let them lie.

For others, perhaps too prone to critique, this point is crucial. Love is patient. Love does let some things slide. It might choose to fight, or to lay down its arms. Love remembers the Lord’s patience with us. And so perhaps on reflection we understand that some issues can just be swallowed. In some cases we can simply decide that this isn’t a big deal—if that is indeed the case. And that can be a God honouring and neighbour loving response.

Whatever the case, even if we decide to do that, continue in prayer. If the issue is small and insignificant enough, or even if it seems too large to handle, pray the long game.

6. Entrust Everything to the Lord, Throughout

This point has already been said in several ways throughout the five responses. It is basic and yet so foundational that it is worth ending with. Maybe you had the conversation. But it didn’t go well. Maybe your particular motives are stained with sin and you’re unable to sort out your own heart. Maybe that Christian who is frustrating you seems impossible to deal with, making the issue hard to rectify.

Look to the Lord. Entrust matters, people, and frustrations to him.

Regardless, look to the Lord. Entrust matters, people, and frustrations to him. The Christian that you’re finding frustrating is your sibling in Christ. But more than that, they are answerable to their Father in heaven. That minister or ministry worker driving you up the wall is a servant of the Lord above. Let him do as he sees fit. Guard your own heart. Let love reign. And entrust all matters to him. He is good, and he will work things out. Either now, or later. So pray.

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