“Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions; according to your steadfast love, remember me, for the sake of your goodness, O Lord” (Psalm 27:5). We used to sing that line. Then the seminarians among us in their 20s and early 30s would say, “But we are just youth.” So we rephrased it. ‘Remember not the sins of my childhood.’
I was raised in the church. I even ended up at the gates of a Bible College.
Like many other Africans, I was born and raised in the church. I even ended up at the gates of a Bible College, some years later. According to my theological tradition (Reformed and Presbyterian), I am what’s called a covenant child. But growing up in the church isn’t without its pitfalls. I made many mistakes. In this article, I’m going to share 10 of them, for both younger readers and parents. Thankfully, mistakes aren’t only opportunities to teach others; they are also lessons in God’s grace. For he bears with us in our weaknesses and mistakes, our sins and shortcomings.
1. I Confused Serving With Being Saved
Serving in the church through my childhood didn’t mean I was saved. I often joke that I was a Presbyterian before I was a Christian. I understood the weekly routines of our church and operations of our denomination. Naturally, I played my role and served; from singing in the choir to ushering. But my service was bound up with the routine and tradition. Thankfully, my mother exhorted me to serve out of gratitude to God (Ephesians 2:8-10). Genuine acts of service that please God are not always a fruit of salvation.
2. I Knew a lot of Scripture Without Knowing God
It is easier to know the Bible than it is to know God. We memorised scripture. I could recite passages to other kids at camps and conferences. In fact, I was one of the few outstanding kids who recited more scriptures than the rest (Philippians 3:4). I went on to be among the select few who gave announcements and reports in the church services. But being above average in terms of Sunday school knowledge didn’t mean I knew Jesus. Accumulating memory verses and facts didn’t correspond to an acquaintance with God.
3. I Was Proud of My Heritage and Lacked Humility
Growing up as a third generation member in our then denomination and church, I was proud.
Heritage can easily end in pride and prevent humility.
Our church, like most of the Reformed denominations in southern Africa, was ethnic. That is, most of us were from Masvingo province, except for people like my mom, who had married into the church. Thus, we had a strong identity, owing to our theological tradition and ethnicity. Of course, this isn’t wrong. We knew who we were: Christians, descended from the Karanga and Vitori people. Like me, others in the church had family members from previous generations who’d served as elders. Again, this is something to celebrate. However, heritage can easily end in pride and prevent Christlike humility.
4. I Treated the Church Like a Ladder
I shouldn’t have climbed the leadership ladder. Since I was involved in service, my gifting was discovered early and developed. With that recognition came leadership. All kids experience stage fright, but some manage it better than others. And I was one of the few courageous. This secured me lead roles in dramas as well as occasionally being upfront during Sunday worship. Later, at high school, I started preaching and sharing devotions at youth gatherings. If I could return to those days, I would slow down and give myself more time to grow in the knowledge of our Saviour, instead of rushing into leadership and church commitments.
5. I Spoke Much of My Strengths Instead of My Weaknesses
I should have opened up about my struggles. While my eloquence thrived in public, sin privately choked me. Unsurprisingly, children who grow up in the church struggle with sin too. All of God’s people need his mercy, experienced sometimes most profoundly in confession (Proverbs 28:13). But I covered up my sin. I had little to no confidence in confessing my sins and seeking help from mature believers. I didn’t seek the help I needed or confess the sins that plagued me.
6. I Didn’t Feed Daily on God’s Word
I wish there were Bible reading plans for children.
Children shouldn’t grow up in the church without growing in the knowledge of Christ.
We memorised the scriptures. We knew our catechism. But I didn’t do much of my own daily Bible reading. I had a regular diet and knowledge of the shows I followed on TV. While I regularly fed myself on a diet of entertainment, I wasn’t equipped and therefore didn’t study the Bible myself. Children of believers must also learn to feed on God’s word. Children shouldn’t grow up in the church without growing in the knowledge of Christ that comes from meditating on scripture.
7. I Found Myself in Bad Company
I had some bad friends for a while. Their ideas grew on me. Their actions shaped my own. “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm” (Proverbs 13:20). While finding the pleasure in playing with unbelievers at school was fleeting, their teaching pervaded my heart. And it’s been really difficult to uproot some of the habits I inherited during my childhood. Though I was a part of the church, I had too few Christian friends.
8. I Readily Followed Trends Rather Than Christ
Following the crowd was my habit at school. So I wasn’t critical or discerning as trends rolled around. Many of those enshrined disobedience, from school to home. They dismissed authorities and dressed up sin. Blindly following trends was doubly damaging. On the one hand, it meant I didn’t stand against what was wrong; on the other, I readily affirmed things that contradicted my faith and Christian witness.
9. I Didn’t Treat Prayer Seriously Enough
If I could’ve prayed then and learnt how to do so better, it would have been so good for me. Growing up in the church meant I attended prayer meetings throughout my younger years. But everyone was, all the other kids. One can attend prayer meetings while praying very little, or even not at all. I could have prayed more about both my adult life and my situation then. I should’ve learnt to pray much better. Looking back now, I can see that prayer was a means of grace I didn’t understand.
10. I Didn’t Obey My Parents
God gives parents authority over their children (Exodus 20:12). While my parents weren’t infallible, they had many invaluable insights to share. Even before my father was a believer, he had good intentions for me. From their advice to their restrictions, discipline, and correction, all was meant to mould me into a better person.
My parents had many invaluable insights to share.
I wish I’d followed their words more carefully. This regret extends to other authorities over me elsewhere, for example, at school. Obedience to authority was something I struggled with. Maybe it’s something most of us wrestle with. If I could return to when I was growing up in the church, I’d practice greater obedience.
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