Seven Black Dads & Their Super Powers!

Meet The Gang

My name is Nhlanhla Makhoana, everybody calls me Beast, and I have two kids.

Lilly: I feel like you need to say that they are twins. Like I just… I feel like that’s an important factor!

Hi guys, my name is Mandla Gqada.
My name is One Mokgatle.
My name is Sihle Xulu.
My name is Katlego Dube.
My name is Mashudu Mamathuba.
My name is Baphethuxolo Thekwane Khosa.

Nhlanhla’s Super Power

I think I do well in multitasking!

Nhlanhla: People like to say men cannot multitask. So, I have figured that… you know what? I don’t think that’s the truth. So, I tried myself out. And I think I do well in multitasking. If you have twins crying, one on this side one on the other side, and you know, you’re trying to feed them and stuff like that. And so, I think that has been good!

Nhlanhla’s Kryptonite

Umm, and then weakness… I am realising that, you know, with parenting you need a lot of patience. It’s nothing that I grew up with. Like I was never really the most patient person and now it’s really highlighted now that I have twins. So, I think patience.

With parenting you need a lot of patience.

I think the other one, to be honest, social media can sometimes be an issue. Just always being on my phone, I want to check out what’s happening and all of that stuff. So, yeah. Needing to take some time off of social media – off my phone – and just live in the moment. You know, enjoy the kids and really be there emotionally also with the wife. So, yeah.

I’m growing to realise that actually kids are a true blessing from the Lord, to be honest. We often think of how much, you know, we do for them or who we are to them. But really, I’ve grown to realise that actually the Lord has really done has done a lot in my life just through just having these children.

Just having the kids enriched our lives so much.

So, they are a blessing to me and I never thought I could love like this! Being a Christian just seeing the love that I have for them, it gives me an idea of the father’s love for me too. So, yeah just them being in our lives enriched our lives so much.

One’s Super Power

One: I am married to one wife. Her name is Confidence. Together we have two incredible little girls. As I think about fatherhood, my superpower, and I’m gonna attempt to be humble here. Humble brag! My superpower is the fact that I think I find fathering or parenting quite easy.

Humble brag! I find fathering or parenting quite easy.

And so, there’s a general ease to loving these little ones – and they can get crazy at times! But just handling all the messiness with ease and it’s something that my wife appreciates and I know our kids really love it.

One’s Kryptonite

I find it fitting to have both my kids here as I talk about my weakness, my kryptonite. Every super hero has a weakness, and mine would – it’s kind of weird, it goes together with my superpower – is even though parenting comes with some ease, I do get impatient at times. A lot of that is probably drawn from just my experiences with my own father. A great father, but very impatient. And I see that creeping up quite often.

I can get very impatient with them and that takes me to some ugly places. But thankful for the opportunity to parent nonetheless.

Mandla’s Super Power

I bring the sense of adventure to the family!

Mandla: I think one of my super powers would definitely be that I bring the sense of adventure to the family! So, I am willing to try things with the kids that my wife is too scared to try.

Like the other day, I was fixing something up in the ceiling and I took them up with me. So, we were up there in the dark, in the ceiling and they were watching me work there. It gets a bit risky sometimes but they enjoy most of it.

Mandla’s Kryptonite

Kryptonite, ah… I’m a big softie. So, when it comes to discipline, I tend to overburden my wife with the responsibility to discipline the kids. And when I do discipline, sometimes I overdo it.

I tend to overburden my wife with the responsibility to discipline.

So, I’m still… I’m still learning how to discipline in a way that is constructive and also helpful to my wife.

Sihle’s Super Power

Sihle: Superpower, I’ll say it’s presence. By that I just mean being around with her. Which is something, I mean it’s intentional. I really want to be with her. But even with regards to our rhythms, it allows me to be there. Which is good for us. So, just to be with her with regards to sharing more time with her. And it’s something that I think we value – I value. And so far, it’s been good.

I really want to be with her.

Whether we are talking about cleaning her up, feeding her – which we enjoy a lot – taking her to school, all of that stuff, it’s something that we’re being intentional about. And I think so far, it’s been going really well and I love it.

Sihle’s Kryptonite

Something that I think I could work on would be, sometimes it can feel like it’s tiring. I can get tired. Cause sometimes she can just want to go on and just like playing or just chilling with me. And I just want like timeout. I feel like sometimes it’s too much. And even saying that it feels bad. But just sometimes I just want to hand her over to her mum and like, you know what, “You take over”.

Sometimes I just want to hand her over to her mum.

And in a sense like I feel like she should take over. ‘Cause there’s I mean just something about my background and traditional roles. So, sometimes I feel like she should take over more. But I’m learning that no, actually I should be there. So, that’s something I really feel I need to work on. Just to be patient and continue to be with her even just to prioritise her. Yeah.

Baphethuxolo’s Super Power

Baphethuxolo: I’m able to pick up where things will be short and what’s necessarily needed. In terms of physical parts, providing for them. They need food, I know exactly what that is, sometimes too much. Housing, clothing, everything. Physically I’m always there as well.

Baphethuxolo’s Kryptonite

I’m not consistent with both kids. I think that’s where my shortfall is.

Because of modern day pressures, my work takes me away for quite extended times but I do my best to be home. And the other one, I am a little bit harder on my son emotionally. Because I expect him to have similar discipline to me. And my daughter as well… also, I’m a bit too soft on her – I’m not consistent with both. I think that’s where my shortfall is.

Katlego’s Super Power

Katlego: I’m married to Reneilwe Dube. I’ve got two kids. One of them is here being a rascal a little bit! I’d say my superpower is being available. I try to prioritise these people, give them time, because that’s the only currency they really understand and value. And, I’m teaching them unconditional love in being available when they need me.

I try to prioritise these little people, give them time, because that’s the only currency they really understand.

Katlego’s Kryptonite

I think my kryptonite is being consistent. I think I still have to figure that one out. Whether it be with discipline, or with encouragement I just need to be more consistent and set the right tone. And be more patient. I think I need to work on that as well!

A scenario, we’ll be bathing – so I bath them every night – and when I come back from work, there isn’t a lot of time between me coming back and them going to sleep. So, I spend time with both of them while I bath them. And Lalah will be wanting a hug, and he’ll need to bath and they’ll start crying. So, to just be patient, to not react out of anger, but just to tell them, “Wait Lalah, I’m with you. Bokang, stay cool…”, ’cause they need different aspects of love. Like Lalah needs to connect. Bokang just needs to be taken care of, “Take off my nappy, tickle me”, that kind of stuff. So, I just need to be more patient in dealing with when it’s a very intense situation. To not overreact.

Mashudu’s Super Power

Mashudu: I am married to a beautiful lady, Thabiso. Got an even more gorgeous daughter Rinae, four years old. Okay, super-strength, being a father you really become 100% solution to your child. I think bigger than that would be to be a husband. But super close now to being a father.

Drinking pretend tea! Mastering that has actually improved my skill!

So, being there for my daughter: being friends with her, being able to play with her. And yeah, I suppose drinking pretend tea with her. Mastering that has actually improved my skill!

Mashudu’s Kryptonite

Managing those budgets, school fees are still killing me. I’m good after I pay for a good full 29 days and then the bill comes again. But look, I mean, I’ll get it, I’ll get better at it. But yeah, that’s the weakness at this moment.

Katlego: Lalah are we really going to be the people with sticks in the picture? Can we not be those people?

Lilly: OK we are trying to get the picture. Okay, yes, there we go. Everybody in.

From One Dad to Another…

One: I know it’s tough. I know it’s challenging. But strive to do your best in all that you do. And be okay to make mistakes. I think our kids are a lot more forgiving than we think. And so, all they ask us is to be present, to be loving, to be engaging. So, fight to do that so that we might set a legacy for them that we probably didn’t have.

All our kids ask us is to be present, to be loving, to be engaging.

It’s All About Being Present

Mandla: I mean there’s a lot of things that can stress us out as fathers when we’re thinking about the future. And we might think that, you know, maybe you don’t have enough money to send your kid to the school you want them to go to. I just emphasise enjoying the moment. Sure, plan for the future and all and pray. But also, don’t be so focused on the future that you miss enjoying your children while they’re growing. So, one day at a time and trust in the Lord. Yeah.

Sihle: Well firstly, I wanna give you an encouragement to say, you know, some of us we’re doing this as we go. We don’t really have much to look into whether it’s with regards to examples or whatever. So man, big up to you guys. Keep doing this. Be present, love the kids and let’s leave a good legacy.

Don’t be so focused on the future that you miss enjoying your children while they’re growing

It’s Up To All of Us

Mashudu: We need to start doing better by our kids. We need to start producing the next generation. We need to start putting it together so that when they grow up, they emulate us. They build better than what we did. And it’s up to each one of us. It’s up to every father out there. There’s no magic bullet.

Katlego: Fatherhood is a privilege and an honour. It is tough, but most things worthwhile are tough. And I think if you embrace it then it will change who you are and make you a better man. So, let’s do it. Let’s be fathers!

Fatherhood is a privilege and an honour. It is tough, but most things worthwhile are tough.

Nhlanhla: Take some time to give yourself to your children. Be there emotionally. Love them. Trust me, I didn’t read a manual so, I suck at certain things (well a lot of things!), and just figure it out as you go. But you cannot figure it out if you’re absent. So, I wanna encourage you guys to be there, share in those moments and love those babies.

Lilly: Awesome!