I am a musician. Obviously, like anyone entering the art space or the music space, I had huge dreams. I still do! I had huge dreams of what I wanted to do – what I wanted to be! And I think again, just coupled with the poor teaching I’d had about Christianity, I thought that it was owed to me. That because I am a Christian. Because I am this good person. Because I have given my life to the Lord, He is going to bless me with all these things.
My dreams were not fulfilled
It was just a convoluted mess of how I viewed myself. Just a sense of entitlement! But I remember, probably about five, six, seven years into it, things were not… they hadn’t taken off as well as I had hoped they would. So yes, I was performing. Yes, I was gigging. I had a bit of a name out there. But it wasn’t at the level I thought it would be in terms of how big my dreams actually were. And I fell into what I think might have been a severe depression. Probably for about a year and a half.
I felt like I had given everything to this career. Everything to this dream.
Why is it not happening?!
this gift that God had given me, instead of me using it to serve, I was serving it
God’ faithfulness in my weakness
It was hard to realise and accept that I was actually idolising my career. It was hard to accept that I was in the wrong. Because for so long I had seen God as someone who had betrayed me because He didn’t make this thing happen! I realised that it was just an area of sin in my life that the Lord needed to deal with. And that’s probably why things hadn’t gone the way I had dreamt that they would.
It was hard to realise and accept that I was actually idolising my career. It was hard to accept that I was in the wrong.
The right kind of dreams
So obviously we all have dreams. We have goals. We have ambitions and we all have a vision for what we want our lives to be. You know, you fill in the blank of what that is. But I think if there is one thing I would encourage anyone out there sitting with that to remember is this. That our dreams are not God. At the end of the day I think if our hearts are really wanting to glorify God, wanting his desires to become our desires, then it does become OK when the things that we thought we wanted, we realise we don’t want anymore. Or, if we don’t actually get them. We find fulfilment in Him at the end of the day.
That’s ultimately what the message is. Finding our identity in Christ and not in the things of this world. So in as much as it’s hard – my advice would just be to take those dreams to Him. And trust Him with where our lives are going.