Talking on dating, nowadays, is not uncommon to hear in the church. But let’s put a question mark to this topic: is there something wrong with it?
In every age, the church must wrestle with different issues relating to its cultural context.
In every age, the church must wrestle with different issues relating to its cultural context, new societal norms, accepted morality as well as its decline. Dating is one of these matters. Some approve of it. Others condemn it. Still there are others who say nothing. Biblical bases might be searched in order to create theological principles concerning dating. But you can read about that elsewhere. This short article is rather a reflection on the negative spiritual impact that dating tends to have on the church and its members.
Dating Nowadays
These days, dating is largely guided by cultural tendencies. We might define it has two adults having a romantic, usually sexual, relationship without being overly concerned about marriage. Couples will live together, though not always nor immediately. A major point made in support of these arrangements is that a couple needs to get to know each other, both behaviourally and in the bedroom, before making any kind of commitment.
Christian dating ends up being no more or less sinful than the surrounding culture.
Dating in the church is essentially no different, though it might have the adjective ‘Christian’ attributed. There’s little to no biblical guidance for Christians who’re dating. Purity doesn’t seem to be a priority. Sex isn’t reserved for marriage. So Christian dating ends up being no more or less sinful than the surrounding culture and its many means of influence.
Lead Us Not Into Temptation
Some relationships narrated in the Bible could be used as examples for thinking about dating: Isaac with Rebekah (Genesis 24); or Jacob with Rachel (Genesis 29). In both cases, the intention for marriage was always clearly central. Thus Jacob waited with patience and perseverance some seven years, working for his future father-in-law in order to marry Rachel. Yet we have no indication that they lived together before getting married.
You’re far more likely to sin sexually when dating than when you aren’t.
Dating should have marriage as its goal and focus. This is how we should instruct young and single believers. If we don’t, dating will almost certainly end in sex. No one is dating someone else because they aren’t attracted to them, romantically interested and invested. Thus unmarried couples are already in a tricky—should we say, more tempting—situation. To them, together with all believers, we must warn against the desires of the flesh, which are opposed to the Spirit (Galatians 5:17-19).
While we can talk about intentions, the uncomfortable truth of the matter is that you’re far more likely to sin sexually when dating than when not.
Where Does It Lead?
But reflections on dating shouldn’t only be guided by the inseparable temptations. We must also think about whether or not dating leads to greater purity among those practising it.
We must think about whether dating leads to greater purity among those practising it.
As we’ve already seen, labelling dating ‘Christian’ has little to no effect. It doesn’t guarantee any real difference from the world or culture. Personally, I think we should abandon the term altogether, especially if it seems to legitimise sexual sin in the church. In fact, I think describing dating as ‘Christian’ is usually nothing more than an attempt to make out as though God approves of sinful behaviour. For example, no one is fooled by ‘Christian clubbing’ or ‘Christian recreational drugs.’ How is it any different with dating?
What Does Wisdom Dictate?
It’s a fact. The Bible doesn’t mention dating. This fact may be one of the causes behind the church having such a lax stance towards it. Instead of doing Greek and Hebrew word searches, we should simply ask how efficient it has been in promoting sexual purity and godliness. Furthermore, we should not make the mistake that what’s done in private has no impact on the larger church and its public image.
Is it wise to keep putting yourself in the place of temptation?
If those who’re dating aren’t able to remain godly (i.e. Christian), they should avoid it. This was Paul’s counsel (1 Corinthians 7:7). Still with those who’re dating: why aren’t you married yet? Is it wise to keep putting yourself in the place of temptation? Calling it ‘Christian’ doesn’t excuse non-Christian morality.
In closing, Paul writes “All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient” (1 Corinthians 6:12). On the one hand, this could be taken as support for dating, For we have no explicit prohibition of dating and “all things are lawful.” On the other hand, however, it could be taken as a warning against dating, especially when we consider how less than expedient it’s been in promoting godliness.
