You’re a good Christian friend. When you say you’re going to pray for someone, you do. You have a prayer journal and you sit down faithfully each day to pray for your friends. The trouble is, sometimes you just don’t know where to start, what should you pray? I mean, your friends are going through really difficult situations. One friend is battling cancer, another has just lost their job and another is struggling to raise that rebellious four-year old.
As much as you love your friends, when it comes to praying for them you feel completely overwhelmed and just can’t find the words to begin. I often feel this way. I get so burdened by the needs of others that it paralyses me into not praying for them at all. So, what can we be praying for our friend as they walk through suffering?
Using Scripture to Pray for your Friend
At times like these I find it helpful, to consider the prayers God has given us in scripture. When we don’t have our own words, we can pray the words of the Psalms or the words of the apostles. The apostle Paul stands out as a prayer-warrior of note. In most of his letters to the churches, he includes a prayer for them which we can use as a framework for our own prayers.
We’ll consider his prayer for the Colossian church in particular. In Colossians 1:9-12 Paul says, “For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light.”
Pray your Friend would know God’s Will
The first thing Paul prays for the Colossians is that they would know God’s will. He says ‘We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will…’ (Colossians 1:9). God’s will refers to his ultimate plans for the world and how individual believers fit into this plan. God’s will also refers to his commandments and how he calls Christians to live.
As you pray for your friends, start by praying that God will teach them more about himself: his character, his ways and his desires for their lives.
If we can get our minds in line with God’s will then our desires and actions will follow suit. The problem is, we are often believing lies rather than the truth and these false beliefs influence our behaviour with terrible consequences. Praying for someone to know God’s will is essentially a prayer for them to know the truth over lies.
Prayer is Dependant on the Spirit’s Revelation
It’s important to recognise though, that as we pray for our friends to grow in the knowledge of God’s will, we are asking for something that is humanly impossible. In our sinful flesh, we can’t know God and we can’t know his will. That’s why Paul adds the important phrase ‘…through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives.’ (Colossians 1:9).
If your friend is going to know anything about God’s will, the Holy Spirit needs to give them spiritual understanding. As you pray for your friends, start by praying that God will teach them more about himself: his character, his ways and his desires for their lives. Pray that God will grow their understanding in the midst of the very difficult trials they are facing. It’s often in the dark places of life where we see God most clearly.
So, this is what we pray: Holy Spirit, please show my friend more of you and your ways as she walks through this trial.
Pray that your Friend will be Obedient to God
Growing in the knowledge of God is not an end in itself. Increased knowledge is meant to result in Godly living and so this is what Paul prays for next. He prays ‘…that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work…’ (Colossians 1:10). A Christian’s life no longer belongs to ones self. We are a new creature who now seeks to live a life that pleases God. Every day we are becoming more and more like Jesus. But we can’t please God without his help. We need his Spirit to convict us of sin, lead us to daily repentance and cause us to love what God loves.
It’s a mysteriously beautiful thing, when you see a struggling believer fighting for godliness.
Prayer is Dependant on God’s Transformation
It can be especially difficult to please God when our world is falling apart. We can be tempted to think that it’s ok to give into sinful attitudes. Or perhaps tell ourselves, God will be ok with it, he understands. We know though, that true joy comes from pleasing God not rebelling against him. So, as we pray for our friends, we need to ask God to enable them to be obedient to him even as they suffer. Only God can transform them.
It’s a mysteriously beautiful thing, when you see a struggling believer fighting for godliness. Their godliness is a witness to our great God who works in us what is not possible in our own strength.
So, this is what we pray: Lord, help my friend please you in every thought, deed and action no matter how difficult it may be.
Reshaping the Way we Pray for our Friends
How do you normally pray for your friends? How do you pray for your friend when she is suffering? What do you ask God for? I think if we’re honest we have to admit that our prayers are very different from Paul’s.
We tend to pray that God will take away our friend’s suffering, that he would bring her ease and comfort. However, Paul’s prayer reminds us that there are some things that are even more vital to pray for than an end to suffering.
What our friends need most of all, is to know God better and to be obedient to him. So, let’s reshape our prayers with God’s priorities and wait expectantly to see how he will answer them.
