Recently, I was having a conversation with my life group leader about how parents often feel a strong need to influence who their adult children become—even extending to their children’s decision to follow Jesus as Lord and Saviour.
I thought my mother’s faith was enough to save me from hell’s fire.
It made me reflect on my own experience, growing up; how easy it can be to blur the lines between personal faith and the faith of a parent. This conversation reminded me of how I honestly and innocently thought that my mother’s salvation was enough to save me from hell’s fire. I believed that because she was devoted to God, her relationship with him somehow covered me, too.
Christian Parents, Church Attendance and Dangerous Assumptions
I was raised by African parents, and for most of us in Uganda going to church wasn’t a choice. Everyone knew that Sundays were about dressing up and representing the family—and a good meal was always guaranteed after church. Chicken stew! Yes please.
As a child, I wasn’t explicitly told that my salvation was mine to own.
One thing I have realised is that African parents often struggle to separate their own salvation from their children’s. Part of the reason for this is that, as a child, I wasn’t explicitly told that my salvation was mine to own. I walked around with an invisible shining card, thinking that because my mother had professed her love for Jesus—and was going around telling everyone that she was now saved—that salvation was automatically mine too.
Things changed when I moved away from home into boarding school. Now, the choice was mine. I could either go to church or stay snuggled up in bed on a Sunday morning. There were few consequences for the latter, certainly not as severe as a thorough beating from my mum.
Each of Us Must Put Our Faith in Christ
Then the penny dropped. One day, I went to church, and the preacher made things as clear as day. The whole salvation business is personal. He preached about the fact that there are two ways to live. You either live for God or the devil; he went further to say that there is no in-between.
Bear in mind, I’d comfortably lived in that imagined in-between my entire life. Now this man was telling me that I wasn’t going to be saved, just because my mother had faith. I was disappointed. In fact, I was confused and not a little concerned. Now what?
The whole salvation business is personal.
Thankfully, the preacher didn’t stop there. He had time to explain. In his application, he quoted a scripture: “If you declare with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved” (Romans 10:9). Not only was salvation personal, but I had to believe in my own heart and profess with my own mouth. I had to celebrate and submit to Jesus Christ as Lord. Romans 10:9 emphasises that salvation comes through a personal belief and profession of faith.
Parents Must Be Responsible and Realistic
That said, realising that salvation is personal doesn’t mean parents are passive in their children’s spiritual journey. It’s actually quite the opposite. Scripture gives weight to the role of a parent in shaping their children’s hearts and direction.
Parents are not passive in their children’s spiritual journey.
As Proverbs 22:6 reminds us, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it.” This verse doesn’t suggest a hands-off approach—it calls parents to be intentional. The “way he should go” in the context of Proverbs is the way of wisdom and life (Proverbs 3:5-6). And this is in contrast with the path of folly and destruction (Proverbs 2:15). God calls on parents to guide, teach, and continually point their children toward the truth, even as they grow into adulthood.
Set an Example for Your Children, Pointing Them to Christ
Parents, especially those whose children are now adults and living independently, it’s important to remember that you cannot force your children to love the Lord. Salvation is a work of the Spirit, not of human effort or persuasion. But you can earnestly pray that, in his mercy and grace, God draws their hearts to himself; that he saves them. And while you may no longer shape their routines or decisions, your life can still speak volumes. By continuing to model Christ to them—with humility, love, forgiveness, and faith—you can become a living testimony to the gospel. Even as adults, your children are watching. And God can use your faithfulness as a powerful witness.
You cannot force your children to love the Lord.
Yes, I acknowledge how painful it must be for a parent to watch their children choose the world over Christ. I’m sure it’s heartbreaking, agonising—even resulting in health complications. But ultimately, your children belong to God. If they’re truly his, he’ll draw them to himself, in his perfect timing.
So I encourage parents to continually cast their anxieties on the Lord, especially when the spiritual state of your children weighs heavily on you. Parenting—especially adult children—comes with a unique set of worries and burdens. But you don’t have to carry them alone. God deeply cares. Your concerns are his. As 1 Peter 5:7 reminds us, “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” He hears your prayers, sees your tears and hopes for your children; and he invites you to lay them all at his feet.
In the End, It’s Up to God
In closing, I want to repeat myself: the parent’s role isn’t passive. You must pray for them. This isn’t passive. Only, you must go further. Continue to model a genuine, vibrant faith. Keep making much of Christ in your everyday life—in the way you speak, serve, forgive, and worship. Your life can be a living testimony that points them to Jesus; not through pressure or control, but through love, consistency and truth. Prayer waters the soil. But the way you live can shine light on the path they’re meant to walk.
Salvation is deeply personal. You can’t make that decision for others.
Salvation is deeply personal. No one can make that decision for you. Nor can you make it for others. Salvation also isn’t inherited. Even the most faithful parent isn’t guaranteed faith among their children. So, parents, remember: you’re responsible, but you aren’t sovereign. You possess a critical role in leading and pointing your children to Christ. But it is ultimately Christ who saves.
