Becoming a parent for the first time can be incredibly overwhelming. The changes that take place when a baby is born are massive. It is a journey of meeting and getting to know this tiny human being, and then attempting to raise them in a manner pleasing to our Lord. It is also a journey of discovering new parts of yourself. There are new discoveries, things you didn’t know at almost every turn. Some of these are pleasant. Others are challenging. You may do some things right. However, mistakes are bound to happen. So here are 10 mistakes I made as a new mom.
1. Not Communicating Expectations
In African culture, it is typical to go to your mother’s house (or close, older female relative) after birth for help and to recover. In other instances, that person might move in with you until they deem you able to manage on your own. My family moved in for a time. I had expectations for how things would go; about how meals would go, as well as who would prepare them; and about the shape of the help I’d receive. Even though I had family around me, I didn’t do well communicating exactly what I needed. I just expected that they would know what kind of help was necessary.
I didn’t make the best use of the help available.
In hindsight, I should have communicated more clearly what I needed. So, I didn’t make the best use of the help available. I let people do whatever they were comfortable with, even if it was of little help for me and my newborn.
2. Not Asking for Help
When I was eventually left to myself, I thought I had to do it all by myself. Now, I understand my child is my responsibility. But if someone offers help, and you need it, take it! Instead I thought asking for help was to be a bother.
I allowed myself to drown under endless tasks and sleepless nights.
Being a first-time mom means figuring things out as you go; some things are easy, and others aren’t. I was surrounded by parenting veterans. Other moms, dads, uncles, aunts, sisters and brothers in the body of Christ. Many were ready to help at a moment’s notice. All I had to do was pick up the phone and call. But I didn’t. For a time, I allowed myself to drown in endless tasks and sleepless nights. This was largely down to my failure to ask for help, which, in hindsight, looks a lot like pride.
3. Striving for Perfection
I love a clean house. So, naturally, I thought I could stay on top of things after my baby came. I imagined everything spick and span: food prepped; house clean; laundry done; my baby fed and bathed. Only I soon realised I needed to prioritise certain tasks over others. My house didn’t have to be perfect at that time. I had to give myself time to ease into our new routine. Over time, we developed a new routine and order of tasks that worked.
4. Giving Up on Hearing Church Sermons
Before baby, I used to have the most meticulous sermon notebook: date, preacher, sermon title, verses well marked, and full-on notes. The good old days. With an infant, I would manage the date, preacher, sermon title and maybe a verse. I rarely got halfway through before I had to feed my baby or change a diaper. Because my husband was preaching regularly, I had no one to switch with.
I should’ve made extra effort to find out what I’d missed.
My church notebook took a while to recover. Eventually, it did. But then another baby came. In hindsight, I should have made extra effort to find out what I had missed, using the recordings of sermons preached. For the most part, instead, I just gave up.
5. Not Planning Out My Days
I was so envious of how everybody in my household could waltz in and out of the house, easily making decisions to go places. If I had to go out, it was diaper bag in hand, baby in the other, stroller in the car, and snacks packed too! Going out wasn’t easy. It became quite a labour. So, I grew preoccupied with the idea of being stuck in the house. Again, all I had to do was communicate that I needed a few hours out and would’ve had help.
6. Inconsistent Devotional Time
As a new mom trying to figure out how motherhood works, I lost my momentum in reading God’s word. I was so busy trying to take care of everything that I got my priorities mixed up. By the time I’d remember I hadn’t read my Bible that day it was probably time for bed. Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months!
I needed to learn to plan for this time.
A dear sister in the Lord shared with me how she would take snippets of the word and put them on sticky notes around the house. This way, she could memorise and meditate on scripture as she went about her chaotic days. I couldn’t sit with my Bible, and commentaries open for hours anymore, but this trick was invaluable. Like I said in the previous point, I also needed to learn to plan for this time. This meant that every so often, I would have to plan reading around my baby’s nap time; or in the early morning hours.
7. Not Seeking Company
Isn’t it funny how grown-ups always push their children towards other kids to say hi and make a new friend, yet we struggle to do the same? My husband encouraged me to make friends. Being by myself all day, every day, was not helpful. When my baby was older, I would visit other ladies with babies to hang out. My closest friend to this day is someone I met because I chose to be brave and visit her when I needed a friend.
8. Forgetting to Count My Blessings
I regularly forgot to count my blessings: a husband who went out every day to work and provide for his family; a new baby, alive and healthy; my good health; loved ones who came to check-in on me; a roof over my head, warm meals and clean clothes. Oh, how I forgot to be thankful because I was so focused on what wasn’t done and being unable to find the time. I had to put on a heart of gratitude and contentment (Philippians 4:11-12).
The final two mistakes weren’t written by me but by close friends. That being said, I can fully sympathise with them.
9. Comparing Your Child to Other Children
Many moms are guilty of this. We’re always trying to see if our child is on track and hitting the milestones. When new moms see other babies often, they can’t help but compare. When did he start to crawl? When did she start to stand on her own? Does he sleep through the night already?
Unhealthy obsession breeds discontentment.
The pressure for children to succeed is on from the get-go! It is normal to have these questions to track a baby’s growth and development. However, an unhealthy obsession breeds discontentment. No two children are exactly alike. Learn who your little one is, encourage and love them instead of worrying about who they aren’t.
10. Thinking You’re the Only One Who’s Been Through This
Pause for a moment and look at the mothers around you. They’ve been there too. Different stories, different experiences, and different lessons. The newborn, new mom phase can be challenging to navigate. But you’re not alone. Communicate clearly, share hopes as well as expectations, reach out for help, make friends, appreciate the people around you, pray and don’t abandon God’s word.
Do all this even when it feels impossible. The Lord is faithful. He surely won’t forsake you on your parenting journey.
