You’ve found the one you want to marry, but your parents won’t approve the match! Must Christians always honour their parents in their choice of spouse?
Must My Parents Approve My Future Spouse?
The Bible encourages us to have parental consent… but doesn’t ultimately require it.
“The Bible encourages us to have parental consent on the person we want to marry. But the Bible doesn’t ultimately require it. And this has a lot to do with our understanding of parenting.”
“Bad parenting is when people want to be advisors in the early stages and they want to be instructors in the latter stages.”
Topics & Timestamps
0:00 – Must My Parents Approve My Future Spouse?
0:27 – Parents Should Be Advisors Here, Not Instructors
0:52 – It’s Good To Make Decisions With Advisors
1:20 – Parents May Have Sinful Motives
1:30 – Can I Honour My Parents If They’re Wrong?
Top Quotes: Must My Parents Approve?
“The Bible encourages us to have parental consent… but doesn’t ultimately require it.”
“Bad parenting is when people want to be advisors in the early stages and instructors in the latter stages.”
” Parents also have sinful motives for why they choose this person or not that person.”
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Transcript
Must I wait for my parents to approve my future spouse?
Must My Parents Approve My Future Spouse?
Well, the answer ideally is yes, but ultimately is no. In other words, the Bible encourages us to have parental consent on the person we want to marry. But the Bible doesn’t ultimately require it. And this has a lot to do with our understanding of parenting.
The Bible encourages us to have parental consent… but doesn’t ultimately require it.
The Bible encourages and wants healthy and evolving relationships between parents and children. In the early stages of the children’s lives, parents should be more instructors. And whereas as you move towards adulthood, parents should become advisors. Bad parenting is when people want to be advisors in the early stages and they want to be instructors in the latter stages.
Parents Should Be Advisors Here, Not Instructors
Now, when you become an adult, part of what that means is that you are able to make your own decisions. Now, you make your own decisions with a number of advisors. Close friends, pastors, godly people in your life, mentors, but also your parents. And one of those key decisions is who you are going to marry.
Bad parenting is when people want to be advisors in the early stages and instructors in the latter stages.
Again, the parents should be an advisor not the one who is instructing you on who to marry. And the Bible is clear on that because parents are not always totally unbiased. Parents also have sinful motives for why they choose this person or not that person. They want you to marry someone from their own ethnicity. They may want you to marry someone just because of wealth.
Can I Honour My Parents If They’re Wrong?
So, if you ever find yourself in a situation where your parents want you to marry a particular person but you don’t want to because it doesn’t square with what the Bible is saying, rather than rebel against them, and be angry and be condemnatory, what you need to do is honour your parents, seek to be persuasive, get other people to help you to persuade them. Always honour them as you are trying to do that. But you’re not ultimately bound to their own choice for you.
Parents are not always totally unbiased.
So, does the Bible require it? No. But the Bible will certainly encourage it.
