How Far is ‘Too Far’ With Physical Affection While Dating?

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How far is too far? Well, the Bible tells us that physical affection has gone too far when it descends into sexual immorality.

What’s Sexual Immorality?

So, what’s sexual immorality? Engaging in sexual activity outside of marriage, as Song of Solomon 8:4 shows us. What is this sexual activity? What constitutes that? Anything from kissing on the one hand all the way to conjugal penetrative sex on the other, and everything in between.

Stop, are you saying I can’t kiss my boyfriend or my girlfriend?

Someone is saying; “Wait, stop, are you saying I cannot kiss my boyfriend or my girlfriend? Are you such a prude? I understand sex, no sex. But, are you telling me that I can’t kiss?”

Is Any Physical Affection Okay?

Well, I would ask you, “What about the things in-between? Fondling of sexual organs and also oral sex. Is that permitted because it isn’t sex?” Most of you would say no, because it’s sexual activity. Why? Because it arouses me, it arouses erotic love that Song of Solomon 8:4 warns us about.

So, what about kissing? Doesn’t that arouse erotic love? It does because it is on that spectrum of activity. People don’t kiss and have their hands in their pockets.

Excepting if you have a problem, hugging shouldn’t lead to that or holding of hands shouldn’t lead to that.

Why Does The Bible Say This?

So why does the Bible prohibit sexual activity in dating relationships and engagement before marriage? Well, 2 reasons.

1. To Protect Us

One is to protect us. You see, what is happening when there is physical affection – when people are kissing or when people are having sex – is that there’s a physical union happening. But that physical union is depicting what’s going on when they fall in love in their hearts – emotionally. There is an emotional union.

For our protection God says a legal union should happen first.

But for our protection God then says a legal union, which seals, secures and publicises that emotional union, should happen first. So that when people are engaging in physical affection, or sexual activity, and they are deepening their emotional bonds, they will not quickly break up because they are not feeling the other person. It secures them.

2. Worship God, Not Your Desires

But the second thing is we are meant to offer our bodies unto God as a living sacrifice. Jesus died for those bodies. And God is saying, “Offer it up to me as a form of worship and not to your desires.”