Hanging around singles changes with the years. As you climb the age ladder, there is an unspoken question that lingers in most singles’ minds. This question becomes harder to ignore the older you get. It’s a question that sparks fear and anxiety, and therefore should promote a thorough heart check. Of course, it isn’t always a question that arises out of discontentment. Rather, it’s a question that stems from someone’s lived reality and their genuine desire for companionship within the institution of marriage. I myself have asked this question. And had many conversations with others asking it. The question: Will I be single forever?
It’s a question that sparks fear and anxiety.
Before you read on, a disclaimer: I’m not writing to give you the perfect answer from God’s mind. In fact, the truth is I don’t know. But I have some guidelines for those wrestling with the question. I’ve got some well-worn tips for those waging war in their hearts.
In Many Ways, We Can’t Know
Now, this question—will I be single forever?—has a wide-range of possible answers, none of them ever completely certain. It could simply be ‘yes’ or ‘no’; or ‘yes’ for a period of time and then ‘no.’ It could even be ‘no’ for now, followed by a ‘yes’ later.
God in his providence is the one who lovingly leads our lives, day by day.
God, in his providence, is the one who lovingly leads our lives, day by day. He has apportioned times and seasons for all that happens under heaven, and none of us knows what season will come next. “He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end” (Ecclesiastes 3:11).
You might be:
- Single today and be married by the end of this year
- Married today and widowed by the end of the year
- Divorced today and never marry again.
The scenarios vary. We don’t know the mind of God. Therefore, we don’t know exactly what will happen to us. Yet we can honour him by trusting that his plan is to the end that we’re sanctified and he is glorified; so, regardless of what happens, we must pursue joy in Christ through it all. “In the day of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider: God has made the one as well as the other, so that man may not find out anything that will be after him” (Ecclesiastes 7:14).
Still, the question lingers. And for the single who desires marriage, it can remain a daunting and discouraging one. So below I hope to direct your thoughts around that question, offering three ways you can walk through the reality wondering if you’re going to be single forever.
1. Accept Your Reality
Biblical faith doesn’t ask you to deny reality. This statement is such a comfort. God is not asking you to deny that this question baffles or even causes tossing and turning through sleepless nights. It’s okay to accept that it is hard, and you know that God calls you to take your situation to him. Run to the throne of grace, and you will be helped in that time of need as you wrestle with that question.
Run to the throne of grace and you will be helped in that time of need.
“Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:16). The Lord understands your reality and will meet you exactly where you are in the best way he knows.
2. Keep Trusting and Praying
In Luke’s Gospel, Jesus gives the parable of the unjust judge and the widow to teach his disciples about persistent prayer (Luke 18:1-8). When you have prayed for something for so long, your heart can grow weary, and the deferred hope can sicken your heart (Proverbs 13:12). You could be given towards despair and hopelessness, even utter unbelief. Guard your heart not to grow bitter or angry towards God because he hasn’t answered you yet. Don’t plummet into self-pity.
Don’t obsess over him not granting your requests. Ask instead for grace.
Our model is the Lord himself. Keep praying and trusting. Ask for God’s will to prevail because that is best for you. Pour your heart out before God. He is your Father who knows you intimately, and only he can tend to your heart and point you to himself.
Yes, keep trusting he can provide a spouse for you. You don’t know about tomorrow. He may choose not to, but don’t obsess over him not granting your requests. Ask instead for grace to find a balance to trust God. The Lord calls us to trust him with complete confidence (Psalm 62:8; Isaiah 50:7).
3. Enjoy the Ride
It may seem counterintuitive to tell you to enjoy the ride, especially after asking you to accept your reality. You might wonder what there is to enjoy. But the Lord has blessed you with life, and it entails a lot to be grateful for. Enjoy his blessings upon your life, even in the midst of the thorns and thistles. You can find joy in your everyday activities, family, friends and community. Live in the moment and enjoy what God allows to bring a smile to you. Persevere by his grace through the lows, because they will be there. Do all things to the glory of Christ (1 Corinthians 10:31). Let the greatest hope of all believers fuel your day, that one day we will see the Lord and everything will be made new, and we will be with him forevermore.
Enjoy his blessings upon your life, even in the midst of the thorns and thistles.
As you live in that balance of living with the uncertainty of the answer to that question and at the same time loving the Lord and living for him, may the Lord rest your heart and my heart to trust him fully that his providence is wiser than you and I. Whichever way he leads his children’s lives, it is from his wise, sovereign and loving character.
In a Sense, All of Us Will Be Single Until Forever
Will you be single forever? Will I? The next time that question scares you or makes you despair, run to the feet of Christ. There you will find rest, and you will find him who is your ultimate joy and satisfaction.
