Much of our world and culture is happy to talk about sex—or to show it. But in Christian churches often we can go to the other extreme. “Ssshhh, don’t mention the S word!” And this is even more the case in Christian settings that tend towards legalism, promoting extra boundaries of an extra long list of what not to do, or even talk about. And so a question like: ‘Does God care who I sleep with?’ might not ever get answered. In fact, many feel like it’s a question they can’t even ask.
Sex comes to us as a good gift from God.
But I want to introduce you to another context related to sex. According to the scriptures, God is good and he seeks our good. And sex comes to us as a good gift from him. It’s from that starting point that it’s helpful for us, related to our question, to think about what sex is for. In other words, precisely how God has given it to us for our good.
The Bible says at least three things about what sex is for, and how it is for our good, mainly from a creational point of view. Thus this is for all people, followers of Jesus or not.
Creation and the Context for Sex
1. Sex is for Procreation (Genesis 1:28)
God has given us sex so that children can come about—children we can raise and love and serve. Sex propagates the human race. Of course, we live in a broken world and even if kids are desired, sex doesn’t always produce children. Still, in terms of original intentions: one of the things sex is for, is procreation.
2. Sex is for Partnership (Genesis 2:22-24, 1 Corinthians 6:16)
Sex is a union of complements.
In other words, sex is a physical sign of partnership, where a man and a woman different but equal are joined together. It’s a union of complements. And the sex between the two is a physical sign of their partnership—fitting, working together. It’s a sign of them giving their bodies to one another because they have also committed the rest of themselves to one another.
3. Sex is for Pleasure (1 Corinthians 7:1-2; Genesis 2:22-25; also Song of Songs)
God isn’t embarrassed by the beauty and pleasure of sex.
Some might be surprised by this. But remember, God gave us the gift of sex. He’s not embarrassed by the beauty and pleasure of it. God is pro-sex. And he has unashamedly given us sex for pleasure. So, in the context of a Corinthian culture enamoured with illicit pleasure, where certain Christians had gone to the other prudish extreme of despising the pleasures of sex, Paul is quite happy to exhort them to pleasurable sexual relations (1 Corinthians 7:2); with one crucial contextual caveat that we’ll come to now.
Good Sex Takes Place in a God-given Context
According to God, sex fits and is for our good, when it is in the context of a marriage between a man and a woman. To put it another way, the goodness of sex—procreation, partnership, and pleasure—is made for the context of a marriage between one male and one female. That is where and when sex does or can do what it is made for, and be good for us.
Marriage is where and when sex does or can do what it is made for, and be good for us.
However, even as I say that, I acknowledge that there are plenty of messed up marriages where many things, including sex, are not good for us. And there’s a deeper issue there, related to sin and our continued need for Jesus. But the point still stands: the goodness of sex is made for the context of a marriage between a man and a woman.
Why?
Well, consider the three points I raised above about what sex is for, and how it is good: procreation, partnership, pleasure. And think about how those three things are not present in the best way when sex takes places outside of the context God created it for.
Sex Outside of the God-given Context
1. Sex and Procreation
Think about how messy things become when sex is outside of the marriage covenant and produces kids. Think how many children wish they had a dad and mom to love and care for them, a mom and dad united in heart and home to do that.
How many children wish they had a dad and mom to love and care for them.
Now, of course, single parenting is still possible. Big up to all the single parents who work triple hard to love and serve their kids. But while possible, it isn’t ideal. And I think most of us would agree. Sex can produce kids. But when that’s outside of the marriage covenant between one man and one woman, it makes life much more complicated, for everyone. It’s basic but so fundamental. God cares who I sleep with because God cares for the children sex might result in.
2. Sex and Partnership
Think of one-night stands, ‘friends with benefits,’ and limited shelf-life relationships with a sexual edge. That’s not partnership. There are no vows. No promises. No tight tying of two lives. You’re often one conversation, one message away from the end. Again, that’s not partnership. So the sex is something far less significant and meaningful than a sexual intimacy that cements and overflows from a deep and lasting all-of-life partnership.
Physical intimacy and fitting together is to be a sign of lives that are likewise fitted together.
It is possible for there to be other forms of relational partnerships recognised by secular law. But for God, marriage is to be a union between one man and one woman. This is part of Jesus’ point in Mark 10:6-8. Namely, as God created us as male and female so marriage is between a man and a woman (Genesis 2:24). They are individuals, different (male and female), and equal (image bearers). Their physical intimacy and fitting together is to be a sign of lives that are likewise fitted together.
3. Sex and Pleasure
Perhaps here you think you don’t need marriage for sex that brings pleasure. That’s often the message our world preaches to us, from its doctrine of sex.
But let me push back against that. For instance, you’ll know or can imagine how often sex can be selfish—as each person seeks their own sexual satisfaction. Or they do seek the pleasure of the other person but they do it because they want it to be reciprocated. Or because they’re worried the other person will leave them if they don’t please them. The sex might still be pleasurable, but there is something really off about it. It’s more about pleasure for self than about secure and genuine care and love for the other person.
Yes God Does Care Who I Sleep With, Because He Cares About Us
God has given us sex as a good gift—for procreation, partnership and pleasure. But he has also given it to us in a context: the marriage between a man and a woman. The goodness of sex is made for that context. For marriage. A context that by the way points to a far greater reality of how God is willing to commit his Son to his people for their eternal good (Ephesians 5:32).
Sex outside of the context God has created it for, carries an inherent brokenness and hurt.
Again, I’m not saying sex in marriage is without issues. There are plenty of ways sex is broken and misused in marriage relationships, including Christian ones. But this much is clear: sex outside of the context God has created sex for, carries an inherent brokenness and hurt. So, in answer to our original question: God does care who I sleep with. Because God is committed to our good.
