When you are twenty-something, there is more energy in your young bones. When you come to the Lord in your twenties, that energy gets multiplied. Kind of. I mean, you easily take the next bus to youth camp. You easily say “I love you” and easily show up. For me, coming of age at university came with many experiences: great friends, churchy people, oversized shirts, a couple of romantic heartbreaks, plus attempts to pray all night long—with some guilt.
The Failed Prayer Warrior
Yes, I often kind of carried some guilt that I wasn’t the prayer warrior I needed to be. Like many I knew, the guys who—as if praying longer wasn’t enough—threw in month-long dry fasts. The guys whose voices grew hoarse from “calling on the name of the Lord.” Such was my ‘prayerless’ life. I even recall jokes from friends that hinted at my inability to go “marathon for the Lord.” It all seemed like banter then. But it was battering to my young, gospel-thirsty soul.
I often kind of carried some guilt that I wasn’t the prayer warrior I needed to be.
I recall being in spiritual meetings where the outwardly prayerful often earned—and kept—their way into leadership and spiritual honour. Public prayer became a badge. Speak fast, in tongues, louder and hoarser. And a slice of respect was yours to take. ‘Man-a-gad!’ Tones about “tarrying for the Lord the whole night” came off as if we—who mumbled for mere minutes—were better off as “back-benchers” in the courts of the Most High.
Prayer isn’t Performative
What constantly surprised me—albeit not soon enough—was that Jesus seemed to instead applaud a lot of un-platformed prayer. At one time he rebuked those desiring to pray on street corners (Matthew 6:5). The prayer zealots meant well, but often crossed the line as soon as it all got showy. “When you pray, close the door behind you” (Matthew 6:6), God was overheard aligning a people.
God does not require me to pray myself into a right relationship with him.
You people, nobody told me these things when my eyes were at half-mast in one more gruelling over-night prayer meeting. Nobody reminded me sleep was a gift of God (Psalm 127:2). When my head got weighty at 4am, nobody whispered to me that God gives nights for a reason. I don’t blame them, they probably forgot the good news I often forget myself.
It says, while I’m commanded to pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17), God does not require me to pray myself into a right relationship with him. He asks me to pray because of the restored relationship I have with him. A relationship based neither on my owl-like awesomeness, nor my wide-eyed wakefulness, but his Son’s finished work along with his continuous intercession on my behalf (Hebrews 7:25).
Pray—and Rest—with Confidence in Christ
Now because of this, I can go one more hour in prayer, or one more hour under a soft blanket, confident that my many words, or lack thereof, do not justify or disqualify me before God. I can sleep and wake up confident that whatever my (napping) lot, “thou hath taught me to sing, it is well, it is well, with my soul.”
