James’ epistle alludes to the tongue as a fire (James 3:6). I cannot think of a better picture of our social media environment than that. For it’s typical nowadays to vent about who said what from a million miles away. While the temptation to speak out of turn has existed since Adam and Eve were expelled from Eden, nothing elevates this old passion more than social media. Nothing promotes harsh speech like online spaces and our perpetually connected devices.
Nothing elevates the old passion to speak out of turn more than social media.
While I don’t doubt that we can have meaningful discussions on these platforms, social media undoubtedly encourages us to callously speak anything negative about and to others, without worrying about its effects. It has never been easier to belittle, embarrass and shame people. We’re unapologetically critical. Moreover, under its clout of interconnectedness, social media has trained us to constantly mind everyone’s business. We’re all presiding judges and juries, ready to pass sentences. We’re waiting for someone to ‘transgress the line’ of our tribe.
What began as intimate platforms for sharing memories have become polarised spaces for word fights. Places where insults are a norm. There, we rally around common hatreds more than common loves.
Did Social Media Change Us?
King Solomon, in his wisdom, wrote that there is nothing new under the sun (Ecclesiastes 1:9). ‘But there are new inventions, every day!’ someone will exclaim. Only, underneath this veneer of novelty there is an unchangingness about the nature of the world and especially humanity. Harsh speech often reveals an internal problem: a bitter, angry, malicious heart that needs healing before any engagement can occur (Matthew 12:33-35; Mark 7:20-21).
Harsh speech often reveals an internal problem: a bitter, angry, malicious heart.
Although social media platforms have been exposed for their biased algorithms, among other flaws, they’ve revealed a far bigger problem over the years: how far we can all go to accuse, malign, and misunderstand others, no matter the cost. And so, social media, like any other man-made tool, is doing our bidding. As Brian Rosner writes: “With social media, the internet is the means through which you tell the world not just what you are up to and what you are thinking but who you are.”
Too Much Speech and Too Little Listening
If the Bible speaks of love for neighbour as the golden rule, via social media the golden rule is love for one’s opinion. And nothing freezes communication in any relationship faster than a lack of listening. Because we can’t hear each other and lack the patience to understand what is said, the conversation becomes difficult, if not impossible.
We all have become good talkers and terrible listeners.
Inevitably, we all have become good talkers and terrible listeners. One author puts it this way, “Unfortunately, many of us are too preoccupied with ourselves when we listen. So instead of concentrating on what is being said, we are busy deciding what to say in response or mentally rejecting the other person’s point of view.” If our tongues are fires, social media is the lighter, and the winds of self-assertion vigorously fan the flames.
Without the commitment to listening, no matter how revamped your communication mode is you’ll fail to understand the other person. And without understanding, everyone often uses harsh speech or words to express their point. Yet James warns us: let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger (James 1:20).
Recognise Social Media’s Limits, and Potential for Destruction
For all its advantages, social media has limits. It also has pitfalls and dangers. We cause so much heartache if we ignore these.
We cause so much heartache if we ignore the limits of social media.
The first obvious fact is that social media is virtual. Thus it will never provide true, satisfying community. Even though we connect easily and extensively, online community rarely promotes depth. We are, in fact, the most socially disconnected and fragmented generation in human history. Furthermore, we’re facing unprecedented levels of anxiety and loneliness. How this is related to social media has been well documented.
The idea of online communities and friends is a dangerous myth. Without ongoing, in-person interaction, virtual relationships are superficial at best and a sham at worst. No wonder we find it easy to resort to harsh speech online.
Communication versus Community
A good argument is possible when those involved listen well and respect their opponents. But the more personal an issue is the more we ought to be wary of turning to online platforms. Social media is inappropriate for divulging personal quarrels and resolving disagreements. As a rule of thumb, we should turn to other safer communication channels to resolve misunderstandings. These include in-person conversations, inviting objective third parties, and even appropriate institutions connected to the issue.
Resist the allure of harsh speech, especially as it becomes the norm.
Neither fighting online—sorry, I mean informed public debating—nor ruthlessly commenting on someone’s personal life is virtuous. In a recent drama engulfing the English Royal family, one writer called this behaviour out. She writes, “The age of the internet accelerates the pace of rumour spreading from the old school gossip magazines and water coolers. Twitter and Netflix are the latest machines for globalising gossip. My secret today can be the topic of public scrutiny tomorrow.” But, she adds, “Far from satisfying our own grubby hearts, we are falling for the very thing publishers and marketers are dreaming of. They are gambling on our ability to read and repeat another person’s life.”
That article closes with a great reminder, “for our part, perhaps the wisest thing to do is remember that gossiping is not a virtue. It really is quite ugly and unhelpful. So, let’s keep our eyes, ears, and noises out of this story.” Resist the allure of harsh speech, especially as it becomes the norm.
You Needn’t Involve Yourself in Everything
But perhaps, you are wondering, what about those areas where those laser-sharp opinions on social media have done us good? Again, this is undeniable. I think of my husband, who uses one social media platform to troubleshoot electricity issues or even stories of justice long denied. However, for the matter of controversy and scandal, how do you contribute to the discussion? Where do you draw the line?
May we eagerly pause and objectively approach any subject online with grace, seeking to understand.
Although many global issues affect us, no matter where we are, we must discriminate between those we should and shouldn’t engage in, depending on proximity. And even if we are closer to the issue, there is still a need to reconsider how to best express our thoughts.
Here is a list of questions to guide us in engaging others online. Although it is not exhaustive, it will help you approach online conversations with caution.
- Is the online platform the most appropriate place to talk about this?
- Do I have a moral responsibility to address this issue?
- How will my post benefit those who will read it (Eph. 4:29-32)?
- Will my post involve tearing down someone’s image in the process?
- Are my choice of words and tone godly and full of grace?
Friends, may we eagerly pause and objectively approach any subject online with grace, seeking to understand those we are conversing with, whether national policy or friendship. And where your submission will be unnecessary and insulting, best you say nothing at all.
