I’ll never forget the day Joy came to stay—literally and figuratively. We’d been praying for her by name for months. Her name was chosen because it embodied what we desired for her life. And joy displaced the heartache, pain, and longing that shadowed infertility—the months and years of waiting. We only truly realised it was her that we were waiting for when she rested in our arms.
Life doesn’t always work out as we planned. It is hard.
Life doesn’t always work out as we planned. It is hard. We may be tempted to think it would have made all the difference if we hadn’t taken the road less travelled. Or if we had. How did we end up here? We have each sat next to a pool of tears. Or we currently do. Or we will be soon.
In this article we will reflect on infertility. But the lessons are transferrable to other hard experiences in life.
The Pain of Infertility
Infertility is a peculiar pain. It feels like a loss, or rather, a series of losses. There is hope each month that perhaps it will be this month—followed by another disappointment, and another. We started dreading questions from well-meaning people asking when we planned to start a family. News reports of children being neglected or abused raised uncomfortable, unnecessary questions: why were children entrusted to them and not us? We seemed to hear of unplanned teen pregnancies weekly. And dear friends seemed to have to only talk of falling pregnant for it to occur (although we were relatively confident it happened the usual way and were genuinely pleased for them).
Infertility hurt. We never did experience pregnancy.
Throughout this time, we knew that God is sovereign in dark valleys, both in general and our specific situation. But infertility hurt. We never did experience pregnancy.
The Wonder of Adopting
For us, adoption was how God gave us children. Joy’s birth mother called her Nadine—meaning ‘hope’—which we retained as her second name. Our primary prayer for her is to fully know the joy and hope that can only flow from knowing the One who came that we might have life—true, deep, rich, meaningful life (John 10:10). After we received Joy, some commented that we could now ‘relax’ and fall pregnant. Again, well-intentioned. But insensitive. We adopted a baby boy about two and a half years later. We named him Nathan Michael: Hebrew for ‘gift’ and ‘who is like God?’, respectively.
Adoption was how God gave us children.
Yes, Joy came home; Nathan, too. Did we live happily ever after? Yes and no. We have had many ups and downs, laughs and tears, gains and losses, as any other family this side of heaven experiences. The terrible twos. The falls. The fails—and the wins. We are currently in the turbulent teens. Pointing precious children to Jesus while aware of their and our own frailties and failings. Our children have learnt early in their lives that life is hard—losing their mommy when they were just 13 and 10.
The Glory of Our Adoption
When reflecting on Ephesians 1:5, John Piper made the outrageous statement that “Adoption is greater than the universe…It was there before the universe. It is above the universe, and it is the purpose of the universe.” In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth (Genesis 1:1). But humanity fell from grace (Romans 3:23). We lost our way; or, rather, we chose our own way. We became spiritual orphans. Yet God adopted us into his forever family in a mysterious, glorious, gracious, free choice (Ephesians 1:4-6).
Earthly adoption is, therefore, a picture, hint, or glimpse of the new birth we experience when we are grafted into God’s eternal family through faith in Jesus Christ.
Earthly adoption is a picture of what we experience when grafted into God’s eternal family.
When we adopted Joy and Nathan, the cover letter accompanying the adoption orders from the Department of Social Welfare in South Africa included these words: “According to the provisions of the Child Care Act (Act No.74 of 1983), your adopted child is now regarded as if born to you. Therefore, you personally have to register the child under his or her new name and surname.” What astonishing words: “as if born to you.” How profound! How biblical.
When we are adopted into God’s family, it is as if we were never born under the curse of sin. And if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ (Romans 8:17; Galatians 3:29).
The Future of Our Suffering
Don’t lose heart or hope. Cling to your faith.
Are you in the midst of a trial or sadness? Perhaps a traumatic loss, discouragement, failure, or infertility? We cannot fully know why God allows suffering in this world—especially for those who love and serve him. But we know it is not because he doesn’t love us. He entered our world of weeping and trouble to show compassion and embrace suffering so we could be adopted into his family. Jesus came as the Prince of Peace. He knows, sees, hears, and understands.
Don’t lose heart or hope. Cling to your faith. Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5). If not in this life, then certainly in the next.
