Ever since becoming a believer in Christ, I’ve been struggling with this thing. This giant in my life. I’ve stood with the desire to be a conquering David, standing over my slain giant. But the problem and challenge is complicated. You see, the giant standing before me is me. It’s always been me. Unlike David, my battle has no immediate end. I liken it to a chronic disease, seeking to devour me from the inside out. It’s much easier to fight an enemy outside of yourself.
How do we battle our own desires that contend with the will of God?
So, what does one do when the giant they face is themselves? How do we battle our own desires that contend with the will of God? What do we do with sin that seems so entrenched that it’s part of me? For starters, this struggle highlights just how much I need Jesus. How much I need his saving grace. But as much as I see the need for Christ, the question still remains: what now?
Do I suddenly conquer this beast in front of me? Do I call out the name of Jesus and all is made new? This does not seem to be the case. It certainly hasn’t been for me anyway. I still catch myself telling little white lies to get myself out of trouble, I still get jealous when my sister does something better than me, my anger still triggers a series of ungodly thoughts and actions, I am still prideful, and selfish. As it turns out like in any battle, acknowledgment is important as the first step, but it isn’t the only step, continued repentance is the next. And the next,
The Process of Repentance
Repentance is often associated with someone becoming a Christian, taking the step to follow Christ. One acknowledges sin, turns from it and towards Christ in trust (1 Thessalonians 1:9-10). This isn’t a new idea for most of us. What’s been new to me, however, is the idea of continuous repentance. Understanding this might need a looking into the word repentance itself, so let’s do that.
In coming to Christ we don’t immediately become like him.
According to the Oxford English Dictionary repentance is “sincere regret or remorse.” But it isn’t just that now, is it? True repentance cannot be limited to feeling sorry (2 Corinthians 7:10). As John Chapman writes, “repentance must be understood as a complete change in direction.” One can see how this applies to someone entering into the Christian faith. But why would one continue to repent, throughout their life?
This question has gripped me for the past couple of months. And in writing this I don’t claim to have fully answered it. But I do want to share how far I’ve gotten. If what follows becoming a Christian is a pursuit of a likeness to Christ, then repentance is both the start and a process. For in coming to Christ we don’t immediately become like him. We still live in this fallen world, tempted from within and without. Although we’re fully saved, embarking on this pursuit means we continuously see our sinfulness and repent of it, daily.
Turning Daily From Yourself
Turning from myself—my pride, my laziness, and my tendency to make excuses for what ultimately serves my flesh—demands that I face myself. And this doesn’t simply happen. More often than not, it isn’t the result of reasoning or intellect either. Rather, it is by God’s grace, for he gives us the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 3:16). And he gives us a Christian community, in the church.
We need to keep turning to him, asking the Holy Spirit to search our hearts.
We need to keep turning to him, asking the Holy Spirit to search our hearts and help us see the sin in our hearts (John 16:8; Mark 6:12). There are always things about ourselves that need repair. The great thing is, the Holy Spirit doesn’t just leave us with a revelation about how messed up we are. No, the Spirit journeys with us, in our repentance. The Holy Spirit aids us in turning away from sin and self, looking towards Christ instead (John 16:7, 13).
As you and I both know from experience, this too isn’t a once off thing. The Spirit continues to expose those things that we need to turn from. When we’re convicted it is our responsibility to respond in repentance and faith. Repentance turns from sin back to God. Faith trusts God and not oneself. Below I’m going to suggest two ways to carry out lifelong, continuous repentance.
Two Tools
1. Spiritual Disciplines
Firstly, discipline. I know. I’m not the only one who struggles with this. Why is this so important, you ask? Well, like any long journey, the Christian life requires perseverance. In order to keep going, you’re going to have to commit to things like personal Bible study and prayer. Commitment means discipline, to do it even when you don’t feel like it. Likewise, looking away from the things your flesh instinctively desires requires discipline.
To be present for the training is to prepare for the journey.
Thus I thank God for the Holy Spirit, who leads the journey. When you don’t possess what you need, like an army general the Spirit is sure to whip you into shape, as long as you have a willing heart. He is sure to be your strength. This training shouldn’t be taken lightly. Understand this: to be present for the training is to prepare for the journey. There has to be a conscious choice to choose Christ and commit to following after him, however hard. Spiritual disciplines are indispensable to ongoing repentance.
2. Accountability in Community
Secondly, you’re going to need an accountability partner—better, accountability partners—and discipleship. Thankfully, there is an entire Christian community where you can cultivate healthy, supportive, and honest relationships, that serve in keeping you on course (Hebrews 3:13; 10:25).
You’re going to need accountability partners and discipleship.
You won’t always get it right. You’re going to disappoint others. Remember, this is the battle of a lifetime. But we can still make great strides forward. In the midst of the fight we can still enjoy small victories. Often this comes about by the accountability of others. Thus I’m so grateful for my discipleship group. These ladies are a blessing. I can be vulnerable in sharing my weaknesses with them and in turn they hold me accountable. They disciple me. This is the stuff that turns us into true disciples, into warriors for God’s kingdom.
A Closing Prayer
Lord God, our heavenly Father, we thank You for who you are, and that you don’t turn away from us. Thank you that the Holy Spirit remains with us, despite our very evident imperfections. We continue to struggle with sin every day of our lives. But you, most holy and glorious God, look on us with love. You journey with us, refining us and leading us closer to yourself. Growing us to be more like Christ. Please continue to open our hearts to your will and our eyes to our sin. Lead us, through your word, to turn from our ways and serve you, the living God, not ourselves. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
