The common joke on the street is that if you see a happy couple laughing and talking together, then they are not married! The implication of this is that married couples are not a happy people. Instead they’re imagined to be constantly at each other’s throats. The joke is an exaggerated generalisation, but there is an element of truth to it. It is safe to say that for most marriages, Christian or not, if they are not on the rocks, are not thriving.
Most marriages, if they are not on the rocks, are not thriving.
We quickly become comfortable and then complacent with the marriage relationship, losing sight of the beautiful love and pleasure that God intends for it. For many, the goal in marriage becomes a striving for the absence of conflict instead of growth that leads to mutual satisfaction.
God must Reconfigure Our View of Marriage
Wrong views of marriage abound. They spring from bad examples in the home, the cultural mood, an unbiblical worldview, and our television screens. Therefore, by the time a 30-year-old Christian is marrying, they have all kinds of skewed views of marriage. And, what is worse, they are often stubborn and unteachable in their ways. What has gone wrong?
To begin with, people do not realise that in marriage you become one (Genesis 2:24-25). That means you do life together, “in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer.” By marrying, you choose and commit to being open and vulnerable to your spouse. No secrets, no holding back, and no privacy! You are one spiritually, physically, emotionally, financially, and in countless other ways.
Christian marriage is a commitment to the other person, with all their faults.
Furthermore, marriage is a commitment to the other person, with all their faults. It is also a commitment to change for the sake of your marriage and spouse. You cannot choose to marry and continue living like a single person.
Don’t Let the World Define Love
Love is a concept, notion, and term that we desperately need to redeem. Society has ruined it. The love the world preaches is self-serving. You love because of the benefits you get from others. This kind of love only looks out for itself. It is temporal and you can fall in and fall out of it anytime you want.
Biblical love is the exact opposite. It is a commitment to seek another person’s good, regardless of their unworthiness. It is, as Voddie Baucham describes it, “an act of the will accompanied by emotion that leads to action on behalf of its object.” This kind of love pursues after the other, it is dedicated to and finds delight in the recipient. Such love grows and it thrives. It should be a mark of all Christian marriages.
The love the world preaches is self-serving. You love because of the benefits.
The perfect model for this love is Jesus Christ, who gave up his life for people who were hostile to him. This is the love that husband and wife are called to practice for their marriage to thrive (Ephesians 5:23-33).
Marriage Demands Sacrificial Investment
Relationships require hard work! They require enormous effort for them to grow. Marriage is no different. If you see a content, godly couple you are looking at two people who are working hard in their marriage; serving and worshipping together; taking time away to invest in one another; developing good habits; abandoning behaviour that their spouse does not appreciate; finding ways to demonstrate love practically; and investing in friendships with others. They do everything in their power to invest in their spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional growth as a couple. They know that failure to invest in marriage is a sure way to kill it.
Failure to invest in marriage is a sure way to kill it.
We often talk about wisely investing in business or education because they yield dividends. The same can be said about couples investing wisely in the marriage. Marriages done in God’s way are beautiful, enriching and challenging. They require selfless love and continuous effort to know each other and grow in love. It demands intentionality from the couple to invest in their marriage. Dear Christian couple, make every effort to thrive in your marriage. Review, reevaluate, and pursue one another. Bask in the beauty of love.
