Femininity is a hot-button topic today due to the massive influence of the feminist movement across the globe. Every worldview has consequences. As night follows day, the institutions of marriage and parenting have never been the same in the wake of feminism. Notably, feminism has influenced femininity in Africa very differently to how it’s reshaped the largely secular West. My interest in this article is former. Below, we’re going to consider the impact of feminism on African people and families. Then I’ll argue that you can fulfil your God-given purpose as a woman, even if you’re unmarried and or childless.
The Ugandan Commitment to Children
Ugandan cultures so highly prize marriage and reproduction that women are actually encouraged to ‘trap’ a man. Do whatever it takes, you might hear, so that you don’t end up single and childless. In some ways, marriage is treated as a means to an end, to family and children. And this distorted view has been exploited by feminism, with single women now being encouraged to skip marriage while still having children. Singleness is celebrated. Unmarried mothers are deemed champions among women. Because they don’t need a man.
The vast majority of Ugandan women still choose motherhood, married or not.
As I said already, the differences between my own context of Uganda and the West are striking. Consider this article from the Los Angeles Times, where the writer highlights the gift of choosing or not choosing motherhood. “Society is so pro-natalistic, women who choose not to have children are somewhat overlooked. One reason may be that the option of forgoing motherhood hasn’t been easily available for long. ‘We are one of the first generations that has had to face this kind of thing,’ Hendlin says. ‘For our mothers, there was no question. They got married; they had children; there was no choice. But when the pill came along in the mid-’60s and the women’s liberation movement followed, things changed. Now motherhood can be an option rather than a mandate.'”
Turning back to Uganda, and Sub-Saharan Africa by extension, things are markedly different. Our last census (2024) indicates that as many as 22 million Ugandans are 17 years old or younger. This means that the vast majority of Ugandan women still choose motherhood, regardless of whether they’re married or not.
This raises a question for Africans: Is a woman less feminine if she has no husband or children?
God Made the Woman With Purpose
Matt Walsh, in his documentary ‘What Is a Woman?’ humoured the world when his wife described a woman as an adult female. It seems that many people have totally forgotten what it means to be a woman. Considering how confused we are on the matter of gender, it is absolutely necessary to define the term femininity.
Alistair Roberts gives a beautiful definition when he writes, “Every woman, by virtue of her sex irrespective of whether she is married or has children is the bearer of a maternal form of identity; the very form and basic processes of her body declare this meaning and everything that she does is inflated and elevated by the fact that she represents this reality. It is only within her body that the child grows and upon her body that it feeds.”
The distinction between men and women is part of God’s grand plan for humanity.
Elisabeth Elliot notes the same, writing to her daughter on the meaning of being female. She says, “Yours is the body of a woman. What does it signify? Is there invisible meaning in its invisible signs: the softness, the smoothness, the lighter bone and muscle structure, the breasts, the womb? Are they utterly unrelated to what you yourself are? Isn’t your identity intimately bound up with these material forms?”
God made us male and female. In our differences, we are both made in the image of God (Genesis 1:26-27). The female or feminine is God’s idea. It’s an inevitable part of who women are. Many people today, especially in the West, believe we have absolute liberty to recreate femininity and its purpose. But the distinction between men and women is part of God’s grand plan for humanity.
Family Is a High Calling, But Not the Only One
Nearly every single ancient religion and culture placed an incredibly high value on the family and bearing children. This was true of the Jewish culture, which is recorded in the Old Testament. Both marriage and childbearing were central to God’s purposes for his covenant people. God blessed his people through the bearing of children (Genesis 12:1-3; Exodus 1:7; Deuteronomy 28:4, 7; Psalms 127:3-5).
However, the New Testament highlights God’s ultimate purpose. It was that through the nation of Israel, a redeemer would be born, becoming the source of blessing to all nations (Genesis 3:15; Matthew 1:1; Romans 9:5; Galatians 4:4). Those united to him are made part of God’s new covenant family, the Church.
Everyone united to Christ is made part of God’s new covenant family, the Church.
Thus, a married woman should imitate Christ by serving her household. It’s one of the primary places where she can practice obedience to God. But it’s not the only place. So a single woman has countless opportunities for service, one of them being service of her Christian family, God’s household (Proverbs 31:20; 1 Timothy 5:10). Her femininity isn’t frustrated or falls short because she doesn’t have a spouse or children. For she is naturally a helper and life-giver, by God’s design.
I often think of my own single mother when it comes to this topic, who mentored other women. Then there are the older women I see serving endlessly in the body of Christ with their counsel, time and energy. You can turn to the New Testament, which isn’t short of examples of women going about gospel work. Some of them were almost certainly single, such as Martha and Mary, Dorcus (Acts 9:36) and Lydia (Acts 16:15-16).
Something Better Than Idols and Ideologies
As the Kellers put it in their Meaning of Marriage, “The New Testament writers, in a way that startled the pagan world, lifted up long term singleness as a legitimate way to live. The early church did not pressure people to marry and institutionalised supporting widows.”
The Christian gospel and hope of the future kingdom guard against making an idol of marriage.
They then quote a social historian, “Pagan widows faced great social pressure to remarry. Augustus (of Rome) even had widows fined if they fail to marry within two years. In contrast, among Christians, widowhood was highly respected and remarriage was, if anything, mildly discouraged. The church stood ready to sustain poor widows, allowing them a choice as to whether or not to remarry. Single widows were active in caregiving and good deeds in the neighbourhood.”
True to Timothy Keller, they add that the Christian gospel and hope of the future kingdom guard against making an idol of marriage. Christians who remained single, then, were making the statement that their futures weren’t guaranteed by family, but by God. The same is true today. While Christian hope is an impetus for people to marry and have children, it also makes it possible for singles to live fulfilled lives without a spouse or children.
