There are many wonders in the world that leave us astounded. Among those fascinating and awesome wonders is how God created the human body; how he wired it to operate. It’s a wonder of wonders. Specifically, I find the female body astonishing—because, well, I am a woman. In any given month, a woman goes through four phases, each phase dominated by different hormones. No wonder they say women are complex; we most certainly are. Therefore, as a woman, it’s prudent to know what changes are taking place as those different hormones take to the dance floor. In this article, I’ll zoom in specifically on the sexual struggles a single woman desiring marriage goes through during her monthly cycle.
No wonder they say women are complex; we most certainly are.
Singles, especially ladies, can find themselves in a challenging dilemma when they experience sexual desires. What should one do with them? In my experience, many women feel a misplaced shame, because of the natural biological processes going on in their bodies. But surely the single woman can honour God with her body, without denying that those desires exist or indulging them in ungodly ways. Below I’m going to consider how.
God Made Us With Sexual Desires
It is important to start by laying the foundation that the body was created by God, perfectly (Genesis 1:27). Therefore sexual desire isn’t sinful; God created the perfect expression of sexual desire between our first parents, Adam and Eve (Genesis 2:24-25; 1:28). But when sin entered in Genesis 3 it meant that sexual desire could be expressed in sinful ways. The list of those ways is endless, from pornography to sexting.
Sexual desire isn’t sinful.
Here, in light of how God made and sin ruined us, I want to acknowledge that most single ladies are locked in a struggle with sin. And sometimes it feels like war, as they fight to patiently keep waiting on God for marriage. Sure, some days are harder than others, while weeks might go by without the pangs of sexual desire. But the battle is usually fiercest during the second phase of the hormone dance. Because when our bodies are ovulating the brain communicates the need for a mate to conceive a child. All this means it’s very normal to feel a much stronger inclination and heightened desire for sexual intimacy during this period. It’s nothing to feel ashamed about.
In fact, God calls you and I to steward such moments, in a godly manner. And that raises the question: how can a single woman glorify God amid her struggles with strong sexual desire? How can she navigate these hormonal changes in her body without sinning against God? Below are five practical ways I’ve found particularly helpful in my own journey.
Know Your Body
No, I’m not suggesting you become an expert on biological matters. I’m no expert. Nor am I a doctor. What I am saying is that you should have a general idea of your menstrual cycle, throughout the whole month. In our online world, this information isn’t hard to come by. You can even use an app to help you track it.
Prudence can position us well against the inevitable urges to indulge our desires sinfully.
Awareness and anticipation will help you to be proactive, knowing which phase is up next and what you’ll experience. It will help you to prepare and guard your heart against temptation, rather than being at the mercy of hormonal shifts. You’ll be able to fight better by knowing what’s going on in your body. Such prudence can position us well against the inevitable urges to indulge our desires sinfully (Proverbs 22:3).
Look for the Patterns
Besides knowing the phases in your body, other things will influence your sexual desires and tempt you to sin against God. Keep a journal and see if there’s a pattern—rhythms and repetition. Could it be that you’re more on particular days of the week? Perhaps a Friday evening, when loneliness takes you by the throat? Perhaps after attending a wedding? Or when you’re sick? Could it be when you see posts of your married friends seemingly so happy?
These patterns will help you to identify heart motivations and moves.
These patterns will help you to identify heart motivations and moves. Our hearts are deceitful, fertile ground for sin and therefore we must continually counsel it with God’s truth (Jeremiah 17:9). Establishing these patterns we can, by God’s grace, be more prepared to fight well. For example, if Friday evenings are hardest, plan to hang out with a friend or do a call. Put in practical measures to help you steward your body and desires well.
Embrace a Sound Theology of Sex
It is vital to look at all things through a biblical lens. You need a proper theology of sex, found in the Bible. So take time and examine what God teaches about sex. Then counsel your heart with the truth.
Counsel your heart with the truth.
Sex is safe and godly only in the context of marriage (1 Corinthians 7:1-7). It’s a figurative fire, which needs to be kept within those bounds lest it destroy us and others. The fire in itself isn’t sinful at all; but when uncontrolled it can do serious harm (Proverbs 6:27-28). The topic of sex is not one you should be ashamed about. It isn’t irreverent or inappropriate to speak about sex. By embracing a sound theology of sex we can direct our hearts to God and steward that fire honourably.
Seek Godly Accountability
The Christian life isn’t meant to be a solo journey. God has placed us within the church to walk alongside one another. The matter of sex and sexual temptation is no exemption. So I plead with you not to hide in the pews, ashamed and assuming you’re the only one struggling. You might be very surprised just how prevalent this struggle is (1 Corinthians 10:13).
God has placed us within the church to walk alongside one another.
Embracing the accountability of your fellow sisters in Christ is a necessary and life-giving act of humility. It is acknowledging that you aren’t strong enough alone to beat the temptation; but, simultaneously, you’re trusting God’s strength and community by inviting the help of others. When you fail, which you will at times, accountability will help you remember the gospel hope (James 5:16; 1 John 2:1).
Practice Prayer and Gratitude
I saved the best for the last. You and I need God’s grace to be able to honour him with our bodies. Therefore, my dear sister, devote yourself to prayer. Ask God for the strength to resist sinful indulgences; reject the belief that God is depriving you the gift of intimacy because you’re single; resist bitterness and anger against God; and reject the belief that you’re somehow incomplete as a single woman.
You and I need God’s grace to be able to honour him with our bodies.
I exhort you to thank God for the desires he’s given you, through he only permits their expression in marriage. Give thanks that this leads you to be dependent on him daily. Above all pray that as you wait, and if God grants your desire to marry, you’ll reject the belief that sex can ultimately satisfy or fulfil you. For only God can be your ultimate joy and satisfaction (Psalm 16:2).
