I am currently serving at Eastside Baptist Church. During my time here, one of the pastors would tell us never quit on a Monday. I’d never heard such a statement. And it really pierced my heart, because I quit my former ministry on a Monday. Looking back, I can see the wisdom in that pastor’s caution to never quit on a Monday. But that wasn’t the only mistake I made when leaving my previous church. Would I go back? No! I had to leave. In God’s providence, this was clear. Was it painful? Very. But God used it for his glory. There are many lessons that I have learned, and they have helped me a lot in my current ministry.
Writing about that experience has proven difficult. At times, I was tempted to justify myself for leaving the church. And I’m aware that certain situations are different; some people leave because of doctrinal positions or a clear calling from God to go elsewhere. I was part of a small church. We were around 20 people. In leaving, I probably made as many mistakes. But I’ll limit this article to 10. My reason for sharing them isn’t self-justification but the hope that they’ll serve readers who find themselves in a position similar to mine: wanting to leave a ministry position and church. I pray my mistakes will help you consider that decision a little more carefully.
1. I Allowed My Emotions to Direct Me
When my previous church called me to do an internship I was young. I was filled with joy at the opportunity to serve God in this church. But before I knew it, my joy turned to disappointment. The people weren’t serving as I expected them to. The leadership team was a mess.
Emotions shouldn’t be dominant when making big decisions.
Quickly, my emotions took over. So when one of the church members said something unpleasant, I reacted. I was angry and hurt. I thought to myself: I don’t deserve this kind of treatment. Brothers, watch out for that. Our emotions mustn’t rule us. Emotions are helpful. God created us with them. But they shouldn’t be dominant when making big decisions.
2. I Was Impatient With God
No one told me that the work of God takes time. People usually change over long periods rather than overnight. So one must endure patiently, just as others are patient with us. But I had high expectations with unrealistic timelines. And these expectations aren’t wrong—they must be reasonable. I wanted quick turnarounds, success, and growth. And when I did not see that, I wanted to leave.
God is working; he is the one that causes growth.
Ministry is about faithfulness. Passages such as James 5:7 have been a treasure to my heart. Be patient. God is working; he is the one who causes growth (1 Corinthians 3:7). In my decision to forget that, I was impatient with the one who owns and produces the harvest.
3. I Forgot That It’s Not My Job to Change People
I looked at other ministries that seemed to be flourishing. Their services were full, and lots were happening. But here I was, faithfully preaching the word of God and it felt like nothing was happening. Don’t be tempted to leave when you aren’t seeing the fruits.
Failure isn’t a lack of church growth; it’s believing you can do what God has put off.
Remember Hebrews 11:39, that lengthy exposition on faith: “All these, though commended through their faith, did not receive what was promised.” The author commends God’s faithful people of the past, even though they didn’t always experience the fullness of God’s promises in their lives. What if the harvest you’re demanding now is 20 years away in God’s sovereignty? Is that really up to you? Should you leave when God is calling you to be faithful, long-suffering? Maybe you’ll never see the harvest. That’s okay. We’re often tempted to leave ministry when we believe we are responsible for change. Failure isn’t a lack of growth; it’s believing you can do what God has put off.
4. I Didn’t Have a Mature Man in My Life
This is often underestimated. Mature Christian men don’t always mentor younger men. At times, they feel threatened by the young man because the congregation is responding well to his preaching.
Mature Christian men don’t always mentor younger men.
Remember the incident between Saul and David? The women sang, “Saul has struck down his thousands, and David his ten thousands” (1 Samuel 18:7). So Saul grew angry. Can you imagine if someone spoke to Saul or if Saul spoke to someone about his anger? Maybe Saul wouldn’t have targeted David the way he did. I didn’t have someone mature in my life to talk about the frustrations of church life.
5. I Lacked Someone to Encourage Me in Ministry
Sometimes all you need is someone to tell you keep pushing. To persevere. You need someone to simply encourage you. Having support or someone like a cheerleader to encourage you to continue will immensely help. Looking back, I wonder if I’d have left my former church if I’d known the brothers I’m serving alongside in ministry now.
6. I Should’ve Exhorted the Church to Serve
I remember doing Bible study with the church. We were going through I Am a Church Member, by Rainer. And I really wanted the church to understand their role in serving and membership. Around the time, someone even remarked on how much I was doing, but I failed to take the window to exhort them to contribute to the life of the church. I knew they needed to serve, and I was drowning. But instead of challenging them directly, I grew discouraged.
Instead of challenging them directly I grew discouraged.
“Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in teaching” (Romans 12:6-7). Paul urged the church in Rome to use their gifts to serve. I didn’t. In time, this brought me dangerously close to burning out.
7. I Didn’t Look After My Health
Sometimes, we want to leave because we aren’t looking after ourselves. We’re so determined to make things work, believing it depends on us, that we run harder than we should. We forget that the church is Christ’s; he is the head of the church (Colossians 1:18a). I was heading towards burnout, and this was one of the reasons I left the church. Sometimes, we need to look after ourselves. We need to rest in the God who is in charge of the harvest.
8. I Was Putting My Family in Danger
I was too committed to the church, to the detriment of my family.
When I joined the church, my wife and I were three years into marriage. In our fourth year, our first child came. I underestimated the necessary adjustments. It was tough. Incredibly so. My health was in decline, and I didn’t realise it. There was growing tension at home. But I was so convinced I needed to care for others that I negated my wife. My family was in danger because I wasn’t looking after myself or my wife’s well-being. I was more concerned about the well-being of the church. I forgot that an elder must manage his household well (1 Timothy 3:4).
Sometimes, the Lord uses our families to reveal something or teach us. I know now that I was too committed to the church to the detriment of my family.
9. I Died on the Wrong Hills
In fact, I died on every hill. Only later did I realise that there are things worth fighting, even dying for, and things that aren’t. Preaching the word of God is the former. We must never compromise on the truth or God’s call to proclaim it. So you fight to make sure that the word is preached faithfully. But if people complain about the types of snacks served after church, this isn’t a hill worth dying on.
Avoid unnecessary arguments and conflict in the church.
Understanding which hill is worth the fight will help you avoid unnecessary arguments and conflict in the church. For these tend to drain the soul and your love for the work.
10. Know the Church That You Are Serving
Finally, I was part of a church that did not have a clear theological identity. They weren’t clear on their distinctives. The church wasn’t sure whether it wanted to be Reformed Baptist, Reformed Anglican or simply a community church. This left the church’s standing unclear. I joined the church without doing my proper homework and without being prepared for this.
