I enjoy listening to people, especially in their suffering, trials, and struggles with sin. My heart is moved to encourage them in those moments to behold Christ. On the flip side, I process my own trials by talking about them and seeking godly counsel. This love and desire in my heart led me, by God’s providence, to join seminary and pursue a Master’s in biblical counselling.
I was overambitious and naïve. I hadn’t yet begun to master the skill of counselling.
I am passionate about biblical counselling, and in my first year of seminary, I was already looking for opportunities to practice what I was learning. As you can imagine, I was overambitious and naïve. I hadn’t yet begun to master the art and skill of counselling—something I am still learning even now. In this article, I will cover 10 mistakes I made as a young counsellor. If you are interested in biblical counselling (a great calling), I hope this will help you recognise and avoid some of the common pitfalls I encountered.
1. Treating the Bible Like a Diagnostic Book
Biblical counselling can be understood as practical theology—taking scripture and applying it to the various issues of life.
Knowing the Bible is vital to biblical counselling.
Knowing the Bible is vital to biblical counselling, and I was diligent in saturating my heart with scripture. But when it came to counselling, I found myself using the Bible as a diagnostic book. For instance, if someone was struggling with anxiety, I would immediately think of Philippians 4:6. However, the Bible isn’t merely a reference book to “check off” problems in life. It is God’s living word, written to transform us holistically (2 Timothy 3:16-17)—not just to provide quick fixes, as I unwisely attempted.
2. Lack of Preparation
Just as a pastor prepares a sermon, a biblical counsellor must prepare for counselling sessions (Luke 14:28). I wrongly believed that too much preparation would make me sound mechanical. I wanted to “go with the flow,” thinking it would feel more natural. But good biblical counselling requires thorough preparation—it is a private ministry of God’s word that should be handled with care and intentionality.
3. Chasing Sin While Ignoring Suffering
Christ met people where they were and ministered to them with wisdom.
In counselling, we view a counselee as a saint, sufferer, and sinner. In my zeal to see change, I mistakenly focused more on sin than suffering. Yes, I sympathised with their pain. But in my mind, I was racing to “hunt down” sin in their lives. I failed to model Christ, who met people where they were and ministered to them with wisdom. When he met the woman at the well, his first words were not about her five husbands. He cared for her first before addressing her heart issues (John 4:7-26). I needed to learn that same patience and grace. We all do.
4. Oversimplifying Biblical Counselling
My prideful heart assumed, ‘I’ve read about this, so I can fix it.’ I was so wrong.
Paul warns in 1 Corinthians 8:1 that “knowledge puffs up,” and that was true for me. Before seminary, I had done extensive research and read many books on biblical counselling. Now that I was being trained in seminary, I felt competent. However, I approached counselling with an oversimplified mindset, underestimating the complexity of human beings and the depths of the human heart. I was surprised to learn that what a counselee presents is often not the root issue. My prideful heart assumed, “I’ve read about this, so I can fix it.” I was so wrong.
5. Overemphasising Suffering While Ignoring Sin
To compensate for my earlier mistake of focusing too much on sin, I swung to the opposite extreme. I became overly empathetic toward suffering while avoiding any conversations around sin.
My people-pleasing tendencies prevented me from truly loving them.
I wanted my counselees to like me (John 12:43). But these people-pleasing tendencies prevented me from truly loving them well. There needs to be a balance: moving toward suffering with compassion while also acknowledging that the heart is capable of sinful responses.
6. Taking the Burden of Change Upon Myself
One of the most priceless experiences is watching God comfort and transform someone, making them more like Jesus. I desperately wanted that for my counselees. But in my desperation, I failed to trust that only God can change hearts (Philippians 2:13). I became easily discouraged and frustrated when I didn’t see progress. What vanity! I had set my heart on my own strategies rather than trusting God to bring about change for his glory alone.
7. Assuming I Knew Everything From Books
Listening is one of the most powerful ways to love your counselee.
I love knowledge. It’s not uncommon to find me reading articles or books even when I’m just idly sitting around. However, this knowledge made me proud. I assumed I already understood a counselee’s struggle because I had read about it. Instead of listening well, I was analysing everything based on what I had learned in books, ready to provide a pre-packaged response (Proverbs 18:13). But that wasn’t loving. Good, active listening is one of the most powerful ways to love your counselee.
8. Hasty Data Gathering
Counselling requires patience, and sessions don’t always go as planned. Some issues take longer to unpack than expected. However, in my eagerness to counsel as many people as possible or to get to the solution quickly, I rushed through data gathering. I ignored key areas that needed deeper exploration. As a result, I sometimes misunderstood the counselee’s true struggle and risked giving unhelpful counsel. Proverbs 18:13 warns against this. “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.” Good data gathering helps the counsellor draw out the heart of a counselee (Proverbs 20:5).
9. Assuming Only the Counselee Needs Counselling
A subtle temptation for biblical counsellors is to assume that only the counselee needs help. I mistakenly believed that I should not struggle in the same areas where I was counselling others.
Counselling constantly reminds us that we need Jesus just as much as our counselees.
This was pride. I thought, “I know what to do, so why would I struggle?” But biblical counselling is humbling—it constantly reminds us that we need Jesus just as much as our counselees do (Mark 2:17). A biblical counsellor is simply one beggar pointing another beggar to the bread of life.
10. Believing Certificates Make Counsellors
A deep walk with Christ is what truly makes someone a counsellor.
Training is valuable. Going to seminary is a privilege. It’s wise to be trained in biblical counselling. However, I wrongly believed that once I earned my degree and additional certifications, I would become a great counsellor. That perspective was shortsighted. Now, in my final year of seminary, I realise that a deep walk with Christ is what truly makes someone a counsellor who reflects Christ. God is the one who shapes and equips a counsellor, and I must continually submit to him—the perfect Counsellor (Isaiah 9:6)—so that I can love and care for those he entrusts to me.
Mistakes to Avoid
Biblical counselling is a gift to the local church and can be of great value. However, as you can see, it is easy to make mistakes that can lead to harmful rather than loving counselling. The good news? With God’s help, we can pursue biblical counselling faithfully and serve the body of Christ well. May we all grow in wisdom, humility, and love as we seek to point others to our wonderful Saviour.
