I want to address one of the issues that really affects marriages in Zambia and in Africa as a whole. And it’s this view that a man who is faithful to his wife has something wrong that has taken place in his brain.
In fact, a lot of people think that such a person is weak, or perhaps has succumbed to some kind of love potion that the wife may have given to him. Surely that is the only reason he is faithful.
The view is that a man who is faithful to his wife has something wrong that has taken place in his brain.
People often talk about such a person as being under ‘petticoat government’. In other words it’s a very disparaging remark. To them a man is strong if he has some mistress, some concubines, that might be hidden away from the wife, but at least friends know about it. And they really sort of urge the person on, saying that such a person is one that is a real man. He has got a wife at home, and he has also got a few women around.
Is Adultery Really Wrong For Men?
The view is that adultery is only really wrong when it is the wife who engages in it. Not so much when it is a man.
With a woman therefore, the marriage is over. It is an unpardonable sin. She must be kicked out. It is viewed that such a woman is a prostitute. The marriage must end. And she is stigmatised permanently for that kind of life.
When a married man is discovered to be guilty of adultery, everybody looks the other way.
However, when a married man is discovered to be guilty of adultery, everybody looks the other way. Pretending nothing really wrong has been done. And the distraught wife is told “well that’s how all men are, actually. A man is not satisfied with only one woman. That’s just the way men are.” That’s the kind of talk that women are given.
What Does The Bible Say?
But what does the Bible really say about this?
Well, first of all, it’s the fact that it is an ancient view. It’s the wrong view – but it is not something that has happened in the recent past. In fact you will remember one example in John 8:3-11 when a woman that was caught in adultery was brought before the Lord Jesus Christ. And the issue was, should we stone her?
Many people have often asked the question “but where is the man who was caught in adultery together with her?” Obviously it is again this view that it’s the women to whom adultery is terribly, terribly wrong. For men? Well… perhaps we can look the other way. That is wrong.
Two Faithful People In A Marriage
It is wrong because marriage is a covenant relationship in which a man and a woman promise each other exclusive rights. No third party should enter into their hearts. And certainly no third party should be allowed into the bedroom. That must never happen.
Sexual relations must only be between the two individuals who have entered into that covenant relationship called marriage.
Any effort to justify male promiscuity only destroys marriages. That’s all it does. And in the process it hurts society as a whole.
After all, our consciences tell us that this is wrong.
Any effort to justify male promiscuity only destroys marriage
People Get Hurt
Wives are hurt. We all know that! Women end up fighting each other when they discover who this other person is who is having an affair with their husbands.
Children also, with hidden fathers coming into the world, become social wrecks. Because they are asking “where is my father?”
Women are failing to tell them because the moment they point that out, well everybody is going to know! And so on.
And so you have the misnomer “fatherless children.” What nonsense is that? Any child surely has a father. The sooner this matter is brought to a speedy end the better.
God’s Command Is For Men And Women
You see, our Creator wired us as human beings in this way. That marriage should be the only context in which sexual relations should happen. And so he put it as one of the 10 Commandments. In Exodus 20:14 we read the words “you shall not commit adultery.” That’s not just for women. It is also for men.
He knows why he said so. You shall notice that it doesn’t say “wives, you shall not commit adultery, but men, you can do so, but just don’t do it too much.” No! It’s a straight forward commandment. “You” – whether male or female – “you shall not commit adultery”.
God doesn’t say ‘wives, you shall not commit adultery, but men, you can do so, but just don’t do it too much’.
Sex Is For Married Couples
The ban on sexual misadventures outside the marriage covenant has no exception clause. It is a total ban. 100%. Both men and women are meant to discipline their sexual urges. To be faithful and ensure that they are channeled to only one person. That one person with whom they have exchanged life-long vows. And that’s why it should only be in the marriage context.
Towards the end of the Bible, this warning is repeated. In the book of Hebrews 13:4 we read these words. “Let marriage be held in honour among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and the adulterous.”
I want you to know this. That when the Bible says there “let marriage be held in honour among all”, it includes both men and women.
The ban on sexual misadventures outside the marriage covenant has no exception clause.
It is wrong to tell wives to accept adulterous husbands as a normal in life. God does not accept that. And he warns that they will be punished. Let us be God’s voice in today’s world and repeat the warning that God himself gives. Any third party who comes into a marriage is a thief; they must not be allowed in. They are stealing what is exclusively for the marriage partner. But they must not have it. No, no, no.
And just like any thief must pay for what they steal, those who end up going into sexual relations, who know they are married – or being in sexual relations with people who are married – they too must pay for it. They ought to be punished. It is wrong.
And if they are not punished in human courts, they certainly will be punished by God.
Strong Men Control Their Sexual Urges
There is a great need to change this culture. We must state that strong men are those who are able to control their sexual urges. And they direct them only to one woman. And that is the person they exchange their marriage vows with on the wedding day. They are faithful.
Any third party who comes into a marriage is a thief
Those are the strong men. Because God is the one who said it should be that way and they are going against the culture and what it is saying – in order for them to obey God. Let us admit that many have failed in this area. Instead of justifying it, we should plead with them to go to Christ and find forgiveness there.
Forgiveness & The Strength To Be Faithful
Are you such a person? Who has been going out in these sexual misadventures with women instead of limiting yourself to your wife? Well God has taken a record of it. And the sooner you go to Him to ask forgiveness through the finished work of Jesus Christ on the cross; the sooner you go to him to ask for strength so that the Holy Spirit can help you to be faithful to your spouse; the sooner it will be well for you.
I plead with you. Stop being an adulterer. Be faithful to your spouse. Be one who is carrying out your marriage in the God ordained way. Amen.